Saturday, June 28, 2008

WE….

We?

That would be white people.

We?

I'm still stunned.

I talked to someone tonight…it disturbed me.

It seems that “WE” have made life simpler for non white people.

What. The. Fuck. Is. That.

Well “We” got the idea to make the “press one for English” or “press two for Spanish” idea.

Now “We” didn’t have to do that…but “We” did. To accommodate….I assume.

Blown away…I don’t get it.

“We” are all human.

I don't know if I can leave here...


just yet...

Sunday, June 22, 2008

wwwuuuuuu……

Say that like you just had sex and it was really good. I don’t know how to spell it but it’s the closest I can come to it.

I just watched The Libertine...when it was over...that's the sound I made.

The critics said it was shit. Hey, I netflixed it twice…couldn’t get through the first ten minutes.

It was on dear old dish today.

I thought…alright…I’ll give it one more shot. I guess it takes some people 11 minutes.

I love movies that engulf you into a world that you feel but don’t know and the ending stabs you in the chest…not in a good way.

I’m all about the Hollywood endings but sometimes a movie is better without it.

One of the darkest movies I’ve seen.

It was fucking beautiful.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Sometimes I feel as if Vance was the only one...

that really understood who I was.

No one seems to see who I really am.

Maybe he changed me and I don't know it. Hmmm...I'm not sure anymore of anything.

I feel as if I'm dying because I'm so tired of trying.

I realized the other day that I had forgotten his phone number.

I guess there wasn't a need in my mind to call him anymore.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Pushing the cheesy anecdotes aside…



And the fact that it’s been splattered all over the Internet…I just have to post it.

It’s just so undeniably heart wrenching, that if you look at it and scoff, I would doubt you have a heart.

Friday, June 13, 2008

Luminess Air Cosmetics...

Here I was, all fired up about finding a solution to Monster’s slow death…

Fast idle Solenoid
Engine Control Module
Back up fuse – to reboot engine
EVR
DPFE
It’s not the fuel relay switch, by the way.
DLC
DTC/Test leads
Or just some bad air hoses.

Then this beautiful infomercial appears.

A woman can airbrush everything away for the low, low price of $29.99.

WHAT?

I’m thinking Isuzu air valves and women are airbrushing their faces?

No wonder I don’t have a date.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

I got home today and noticed this…



Outside looking in or inside looking out?

The world will never know.

Sunday, June 08, 2008

It almost fell perfectly…




Back into the last drawer that I had cleaned…come on, we all want that Kodak moment…okay, I may have moved a couple of straws to make it more dramatic.

Honestly, it was actually overwhelming…as I knew it would be.

His loathing for himself and hatred for others…

So many keys…to what I have no idea…so many papers with jumbled words over and over…papers with warrants…one picture of him as a child…two pictures of him and me…lots of straws…gutted pens.

Four fucking drawers in a coffee table that I have avoided for two years because I knew the out come would not be good.

Imagine…if you will, that I was actually correct.

I fucking hate him and I fucking hate myself for not leaving.

I loved him so much and he hated me for it.

He really fucking hated me for it.

Thursday, June 05, 2008

This happened a couple of months ago…




It wasn’t pretty…obviously. With a dog in one hand and a bag in the other I tripped over a knee-high sprinkler head and fell face first onto the sidewalk.

As blood rushed out of my mouth and nose, I thought I had broken my two front teeth off. Nope, lucky on that one but my nose and my two front teeth still hurt. I also have a lump in my upper lip that refuses to go away.

Why am I bringing this up now? Well, it seems I’m starting to have a fear of falling.

I started noticing this week that I have become more and more hesitant to take the dogs for a walk and have since that happened.

For shits and giggles I googled “fear of falling”…well guess what kids? It’s called Basiphobia…a fear of walking or falling.

Do I believe it? Dunno. I must say I’ve had some spills in my life. For those of you that know me, well you would think they would be alcohol induced. This would be untrue. Most have happened by just walking. Hence fear of walking and falling huh?

The last one was bad though…really bad, as you can tell by the picture.

I found a website and the questions to find this phobia or any phobia were quite amazing…more so my answers.

Weird though, most of the things I attribute to panic, anxiety or fear on me are not external, all of mine are internal unless I’m really upset.

The last six questions got me….

On a scale of 1-10…of course 10 being the worst…here is how I answered…

Feeling of losing control – 10
Feeling of dying – 10
Feeling of losing my mind – 10
Feeling of embarrassing myself – 10
Feeling of having a heart attack – 10
Visualization of things going badly – 10

I did forget about the first question

Repetitive negative thoughts – 10.

Ahhh…it’s a shaky ground I stand on…heh. I can dance without falter…for god’s sake I can do the tango without missing a beat but I can’t walk from my car to my house without a face plant…or walk through my kitchen.

I have the normal fears that everyone does. Fear of flying…yeah but it’s gotten better over the years. Fear of heights…that one will never get better…I accept this and chose to live with it…there is no trying to conquer this one…the thought of going to the top of the Empire State building makes me pass out if I envision it for to long.

But fear of fucking falling? You gotta be fucking kidding me.

Hold on though…here are the questions that had the low scores.

Dry mouth – 1
Sweaty hands –1
Cold hands – 1
Shaky hands – 3 …I got a glitch in my neck.
Blushing – huh? Is sex involved? Damn…1

Okay number 7 didn’t go so well…
Tight throat – 10

What’s next? Fear of a blowjob?

Noblowaphobia? I did have to look it up though…no know phobia for blowjobs.

Something did just occur to me. What I’ve read about this phobia says childhood or constant falls. Which I’ve had both. I carry a scar over my right eye from a fall when I was five. I tripped and fell on a tree trunk…ten stitches.

I chose to put my eyebrow piercing right in the middle of it.

Interesting that I remember that now.

Well, it’s late…I have to get up and walk and fall with confidence.

Piece of cement cake.