I didn’t want to remember…

But I had no choice today.

I took the Rodeo to a mechanic that I thought was retired.

One morning my eyes opened thinking about my car and I thought Billy. Phone number was still the same…so are the stomping grounds.

He’s back at the old place…right by “Shacky’s Pizza”…I use to wait for Vance there…for hours…watching the transvestite prostitutes that had better make-up and bodies then I ever dreamed about. They were fabulous…I actually made friends with a couple of them.

“Girl! You should leave that MAN!!!” Ahhh…the good old days.

Things that I tried to forget are now crystal clear.

Remembering is hard.

What I actually happened in 12 years…

Abuse is amazing…they blind you. Every one around you thinks you are stupid.

I know now I’m not stupid….now that he’s gone.

People don’t understand. I can talk until I’m blue in the face…you never know until you walk in the some one else’s shoes…

People call me for help…I do my best. I can only help so much. I grow tired…just like they did with me.

I still love him and I worry about him but I can no longer save him.

Put another nail in my coffin…please.

I’m that fucking nice.

I really fucking hate that.