I've been talking to my half sister...Fiamma...

Fiamma means Fire in Italian. I love her name. I do consider her my sister...full blood.

I was iming her the other night. I said a lot of things about our father that wasn't right. I don't know him the way she does.

I didn't know my father was 80. I didn't know he wasn't doing well.

Fiamma is losing her father...that breaks my heart.

I woke up this morning feeling like shit for the things that I said about him to her.

Honestly, he was not kind to me but he was to her.

That kind of pisses me off.

I have to let that go though.

I need to lay some things to rest...and he has to be one.

I don't like therapy. It makes me think to much....not like i don't do that daily.

I blame no one for what I'm going through.

I wish I was the kind of person that can shake it off.

My father is going to die...I don't know how I feel about that. All I know is he is was an asshole to me. Should I be sad? I don't know.

Hey, I can say one thing...he remembers grandma felix's spinich pie recipie.

He was just mean to me and my sister and I don't know if I can forget that.