I figured it out...I think...

It's not his fault.

"What happens when you die PawPaw?"

"Blackness."

I remember looking at the plum tree, it had the flowers on it and it was getting ready to bloom.

That's life and it was fucking beautiful. I had to concentrate on some thing pretty. I was 5 and I cracked when I was 7.

That lingering death has never left me.