Got a call from the vet today...

Ripley does have cancer. I don't care how people perceive my reaction to this...they can go fuck themselfs. My baby girl is sick and there isn't a fucking thing I can do about it. People say...well you gave her a good life...she's old...you saved her. Uh...fuck you. I don't want to hear kudos. I want to hear she doesn't have cancer.

Ripley is sick...

She's been my little stinker for 15 years. A little puppy laying on my chest at night. She was my savior for many years. If i'm sad or down all I have to do is look at her beautiful little face. She has a tumor in her mouth and the vet thinks it's cancer. The biopsy was done today. 5-7 days for results. I'm already a freak show. My heart hurts. If it is cancer the vet said she has two months. I want to punch some thing.

I went out to my pawpaw workshop to look for light bulbs

Did I think I would find some? Yup. Two. I also found a 1940's missile lamp. Actually the nose of a bomb. It's not heavy at all only like twenty pounds. I called my Mom and told her about it. The stories come out year by year. My grandmother was on the production line during WWII a friend of hers gave it to her. It had a price tag of a dollar. Really? Not in my world. There are so many memories.

Texas is hot as fuck...but guess what?

A ice cream truck comes down the street every day. I have quarters by the door...just like when I was a kid. I heard a helicopter the other night and a siren. It lasted about five seconds. Weird. In LA it lasted five hours. I've seen one cop car here. It's parked in his drive way. I think he might be the Sheriff. He's two blocks down and a left and I can see his car. I'm fucked.

I wish I could stop the nightmares...

If there is a sheet close to my neck I sit up and I look for him. Knock on the door. No, not in my world. Do I still look over my shoulder? Yes. Do I think he will find me? Yes, He tried to kill me to many times. I wish people understood my story. I did not plan this. I'm tired of people telling me to "Get over it." It makes me angry. People tell me that there is no reasons for the nightmares and I'm doing it to my self. Fuck you.