I got my birthday present from my Mom...

Four days ago. That box and me have had some stand offs.

I didn't break it open until 12:01.

She bought me "Scooby-Do! popcorn...heh...they explode in to different shapes, TAFFY-TAFFY and Wolf Brand Chili.

SO many more things in the box.

My Ma is so amazing I can't see straight.

She makes me realize...the smallest things matter.

Ripley

I caught her looking at me.

"What?"

I picked up my camera.

Snap.

I hate it when I can't sleep.

I wish some times that I didn't have to worry about any thing but I do.

I found a new gallery....

I just hope they will take just one of my pictures.

Never know until you try, right?

My friend said...

Who blogs any more.

Uh oh. Me?

Finally...

I finished it. It took me a week.

Now I just want to rip it up.

I did a good job...it looks just like him.

narcissistic personality disorder

Wow. There is actually a clinical disorder for an asshole?

I always told him there was some thing wrong with him. That was probably wrong to tell him that but I was right. Who bites people? Really? He bit me in the face. That was a long hard night. I can't believe I loved him.

Anyhoo...

Here are the symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder:

React to criticism with rage, shame or humiliation. -check-

Takes advantage of other people to achieve their own goals. -double check-

Have excessive felling of self-importance. -check- X3

Exaggerate of achievements and talents. -check-

Being preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, beauty, intelligence, or ideal love. -check, check, check (the mirror was his best friend.) check...ideal love makes me want to vomit but it would be a -check-

Have unreasonable expectations of favorable treatment. Heh. That statement makes me laugh. This is a definite -CHECK-

Needs constant attention and admiration. Please spare me a decade...-check-

Disregard the feeling of others and have little ability to feel empathy. Yeah...he didn't give a shit. -check-

Have obsessive self-interest. Ya think. -check-

Pursue mainly selfish goals. -check-

We all have our baggage. I do and I can admit that. He however, walked away clean. I was the bitch, I was the one that did him wrong. I guess I was wrong because I didn't tell him to "FUCK OFF" sooner.

I know I won't get over what happened until he says he's sorry for every thing he did to me.

This day will never happen.

I was shredding papers...

Then I thought...

With a little flour and water I can create.

I started to tear and paste.

I don't know how I do this.

But I love when I do it.

I got a trial job...

One day test run as a dishwasher. In a vegan restaurant.

Who eats this shit? I had no problem scraping off the dishes and cleaning them but the smell?

I threw up three times.

Kale smoothies. Yogurt and kale. #1

Bell pepper, cilantro and cashew cheese pizza. #2

I don't know what the fuck it was but it was a soup...neon yellow. All the bowls came back full. Chef...get a hint. #3

By the way even the desserts didn't interest me. I am the sweet queen! Gross.

I worked from 4 to 11pm. I busted my ass. The manager finally came over and said they would take it from there. I fell to far behind. I tried...I really tried. I don't think it worked out. I got $60 bucks cash for the shift.

I can honestly say if they offered me the job, I wouldn't take it.

I LOVE FOOD.

That shit is meant to be feed to cattle.

Put me in a dishwashing job in a steak house. I will gladly take it.

Everyone can go fuck off..

Really? Does any one care about any one?

That would be a big fucking NO.

I still have nightmares about him...

He always has a knife...a hunters knife with the jagged edges. I always see his eyes in the dream. Pupils so big I could barely see the steel grey color. He's over me when I'm sleeping. I wake up before he kills me.

That happened last night. I woke up in a sweat, jumped up with my hands over my face and..my dogs were snoring.

It was just a dream.

People say "Get over it already." Sure...no problem. I fake it.

I still can't say I hate him after all he has done to me.

Am I afraid he is going to kill me? Yes.

Being on guard 24/7 is tiring.

I wanted to draw a picture of him being evil...what happened is him being slowly erased.

I LOVE when I get packages in the mail!

Presents!!!

My bank has rewards points. Every time I swipe my bebit card I get points. I had forgotten about this. I got an email from my bank stating I had 9,800.

Whatever...I thought I could get like a keychain or some thing. I went on the website.

Holly shit!

Today I got two bluetooth's (one for me and one for my roommate) and a new alarm clock...my old one hated me.

But wait! There's more.

2 $5 cards to Burger King
2 $5 cards to Subway
1 $ card to Jack in the Box.

I love my junk food.

It's amazing what you can get for free if you pay attention.

"The House By The Side of The Road"

I watched a show called "Ghost Stories."

The girl's grandfather read her that poem when she was young. He came back after he died and read it to her again while she was laying in bed.

My hair stood up on the back of my neck.

My Ma read it at my grandfather's funeral.

It means you are no better or worse than the next person.

His silence spoke volumes.