I was hanging my laundry on the line and...

out of no where a masked man said take this puppy or die! This I wish. My next door neighbor asked if I wanted one of his puppies. Pure black pitt bull with steel grey eyes. I said "No...I can't afford a puppppy oh...she's cute...no, I can't do it oh...look at the wrinkles in her face. How old is she?" Her name is Tucker and she's a two month old pain in my ass. The last thing I need is another mouth to feed but Tucker woke up my sixteen year old pitt and me too. After Ripley Passed away Sasha kind of gave up but now Me, Sasha and Tucker go for walks. I don't find animals...they find me.

I'm past the point of giving a fuck...

I went to the pawn shop to sell the last of my jewelry with my roommate. As he parked the car he said "I'm going to call my family and ask for $300 to get me back to Indiana." Fuck me...really? "All right...then go. I've fought all this way and paid your way and sold all my jewelry to keep us a float and now you are turning back?" "Yeah, India I can't live with out power, gas and water. I'd rather be homeless." "So you would rather live on the streets than live in a house with no power?" "Yes." "Cool, then take your stuff, dog and your car and leave me alone." The world froze for him. I love when I confront some one and see the wheels turning in their brain and I can hear screeching brakes. Here comes the back paddle. "India, I'm sorry." Yeah...every body is fucking sorry. I'm tired of being the man.

I woke up to my voice saying "Ripley, stop it."

I sat up in bed at 4am to see Sasha staring at me with her head tilted. Fuck. Rip's not here any more. My little puppy...my little princess. I went to her grave and told her I love her. The one thing that pisses me off is she had a form of cancer that was undetectable and untreatable. My little Princess that was disabled from day one died of mouth cancer. I still don't think it's fair.

Triggers...

These I do not like because I never know when they are going to happen. I walked around for a good part of my life looking down. I found a lot of stuff doing that. Broken chains, ear rings, a stone or a twenty floating in a puddle when I had no money. They were just shiny pretty things to me. I put them in my pocket and then forgot about them. Poverty makes a person think...where did I put all these things? At the pawn shop I got money for looking down. YES! I was so excited when I got home. I have enough money to pay the car insurance. This did not go over well with my roommate. "We have to think about the internet bill." We? Heh. Trigger... We means me. I've been down this road before.

I wish...

I could cry and hate. Hate is an ugly word and tears makes a person weak, so I've been told. Never cry in front of him. Nightmares have been keeping me up. I wake up punching a shadow.