Poor me…poor me…
Pour me another shot of whiskey…
I know…stop drowning my sorrows right? Fuck that. I had a couple of conversations tonight that made me as happy as I could possibly be today. Talked things out…realized what I’ve done wrong and that other people have done them too. I hung up the phone and that feeling comes back. The sinking twisted tornado that is swirling in my gut…like the fucking black plaque.
I can’t say I’m honest…I don’t think that I’ve ever claimed to be. Truthful maybe…no one is honest….sorry…I have to go here…let’s see what Webster says….
hon•est P Pronunciation Key ( n st)
adj.
1. Marked by or displaying integrity; upright: an honest lawyer.
2. Not deceptive or fraudulent; genuine: honest weight.
3. Equitable; fair: honest wages for an honest day's work.
4.
a. Characterized by truth; not false: honest reporting.
b. Sincere; frank: an honest critique.
5.
a. Of good repute; respectable.
b. Without affectation; plain: honest folk.
6. Virtuous; chaste.
Me…let’s compare…
1) I’m not a lawyer.
2) My honest weight…120 to 125 on any given day
3) Honest wages for an honest day’s work? Hmmm…honestly?..At least I have a job. That’s good enough for me at this point. I kind of like it too.
4)
a. Honest reporting? That’s a lie.
b. Honest critique? That’s a lie.
5)
a. Yes…well and no. heh.
b. What’s wrong with honest folk? I’m from Texas dammit!
6) I plead the 5th.
Ok…so I had a hard night and a hard day….bummer. I could launch some ships over the shit that has happened. What’s the fucking point? There is none.
To be HONEST…I will tell you the truth.
Last night I walked into a situation that I didn’t know I was walking into.
I went over for a fucking BBQ. I didn’t know it would be a death march.
I didn’t know he lost someone….until I got there. I won’t say anything further than that about his situation.
I’ve been through a lot of death. I don’t deal with it well….none of us do. But for me? I have no fucking idea what to say…when someone says…passed away…passed…died....whatever. When people have died in my life I just want to be left alone. Don’t touch me…don’t look at me…what I am going through is mine…you can’t even begin to imagine what I’m going through…leave me alone. Other people are different. Everyone handles death differently. I understand this. But without knowing it, in his pain, he brought to the surface, mine.
It brought out a lot of anguish of what I’ve been through the last few years. Self doubt that I didn’t handle the situation correctly. I didn’t…and I’m sure I didn’t. But I blamed myself for that. I tried to be there for him. I don’t know if it helped. I’m pretty sure I didn’t…but I tried….
I…just didn’t know what to say…and again...I'm at a loss for words.
Everything just hit all at once I guess.
Blindsided
I know…stop drowning my sorrows right? Fuck that. I had a couple of conversations tonight that made me as happy as I could possibly be today. Talked things out…realized what I’ve done wrong and that other people have done them too. I hung up the phone and that feeling comes back. The sinking twisted tornado that is swirling in my gut…like the fucking black plaque.
I can’t say I’m honest…I don’t think that I’ve ever claimed to be. Truthful maybe…no one is honest….sorry…I have to go here…let’s see what Webster says….
hon•est P Pronunciation Key ( n st)
adj.
1. Marked by or displaying integrity; upright: an honest lawyer.
2. Not deceptive or fraudulent; genuine: honest weight.
3. Equitable; fair: honest wages for an honest day's work.
4.
a. Characterized by truth; not false: honest reporting.
b. Sincere; frank: an honest critique.
5.
a. Of good repute; respectable.
b. Without affectation; plain: honest folk.
6. Virtuous; chaste.
Me…let’s compare…
1) I’m not a lawyer.
2) My honest weight…120 to 125 on any given day
3) Honest wages for an honest day’s work? Hmmm…honestly?..At least I have a job. That’s good enough for me at this point. I kind of like it too.
4)
a. Honest reporting? That’s a lie.
b. Honest critique? That’s a lie.
5)
a. Yes…well and no. heh.
b. What’s wrong with honest folk? I’m from Texas dammit!
6) I plead the 5th.
Ok…so I had a hard night and a hard day….bummer. I could launch some ships over the shit that has happened. What’s the fucking point? There is none.
To be HONEST…I will tell you the truth.
Last night I walked into a situation that I didn’t know I was walking into.
I went over for a fucking BBQ. I didn’t know it would be a death march.
I didn’t know he lost someone….until I got there. I won’t say anything further than that about his situation.
I’ve been through a lot of death. I don’t deal with it well….none of us do. But for me? I have no fucking idea what to say…when someone says…passed away…passed…died....whatever. When people have died in my life I just want to be left alone. Don’t touch me…don’t look at me…what I am going through is mine…you can’t even begin to imagine what I’m going through…leave me alone. Other people are different. Everyone handles death differently. I understand this. But without knowing it, in his pain, he brought to the surface, mine.
It brought out a lot of anguish of what I’ve been through the last few years. Self doubt that I didn’t handle the situation correctly. I didn’t…and I’m sure I didn’t. But I blamed myself for that. I tried to be there for him. I don’t know if it helped. I’m pretty sure I didn’t…but I tried….
I…just didn’t know what to say…and again...I'm at a loss for words.
Everything just hit all at once I guess.
Blindsided
posted by iamfallingfromgrace at 3:49 AM
1 Comments:
# 6 is funny,.
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