$651.18 in change…

Bad battery, bad fuel pump, diagnostics test and a hell of a lot of cash on labor but after two days I have my car back.

Shit that was half a month rent. Oh well all in a day’s non work.

I’m not doing so good at the job hunt thing.

I just want to lay down and die but don’t we all sometimes.

My doc put me on Lexapro and it was working for a couple of weeks then it started going down hill.

I started having good dreams instead of nightmares but the dread has returned…the impending blackness.

I fucking hate that.

I’m finding it hard to function at this point and no one understands because no one is here, not that I need anyone but it’s hard to explain to someone how I feel.

It would be easy to go back to Texas…now that I have cash in the bank but I feel I’m giving up.

All I ever wanted to be was an artist. I always dreamed of a loft in Soho. I’ve been drawing and painting since I was ten.

Now…I don’t have the courage to draw a motherfucking thing.

Some people don’t know how hard it is to pick your self up after all the pain. No one has seen my past…no one knows what I felt and how it effected me.

People judge me, they think I’m a loser. I might be that…I don’t deny it.

But I’m a good loser.

A quote I heard in a movie today

“Today was a bad day…I want a new one.”

There is always tomorrow.