five minutes....

I can feel the couch potatoness starting to engulf my body...life is good.

Release me from corporate hell…ppppllllleeeeeeaaaaasssseeeee…….

One hour…20 minutes and counting.

I don’t know what to do...

Ripley has been sick for a couple of months, nothing serious and she is over it.

Something new has started…

She is disabled, I understand this but she has always been able to get where she needs to be.

She has started to fall trying to get up on the couch or chair.

Tonight she fell off the footstool that I got her to get on the bed. It’s a foot high…this is unacceptable in her world and mine.
She doesn’t like falling or failing. She growls at me when I have to help her and it’s been to frequent lately.

I know there is something wrong. The vet’s don’t think so but they don’t know her and I’m no fucking vet.

So….

I guess I’ll just have to be a little less friendly and a little more BITCH.

“Dick, you have the knowledge, help me here.”

Hope it’s a female vet.

Wait…the last vet was female.

I really fucking hate it when I have to repeat what I say and repeat payment, especially when the person I’m speaking to is a Vet.

Have you got a goddamn fucking degree?

Does it matter? No.

No one gives a fuck if anything lives or dies these days.

It’s all about the fucking cash.

I don’t see it this way.

I had a great date for Valentine’s Day…

I sat in traffic with him for 3 1/2 hours.

I don’t want to let him go, but he has to go home tomorrow and I have to pick up my old flame “Monster.”

I shall miss “Tundra.”

Adieu…Adieu…Parting is such sweet sorrow…

All joking aside, that is the sweetest truck I’ve ever driven.

Shall we play a game?

Who's car broke down this weekend?

Take a wild fucking guess.

In a world of political correctness...what are MY rights?

I'm walking a fine line but I'm a little pissed.

I have to start out by saying that I am a kindergarden drop out and also a college drop out so I admire people that can achieve both.

That said, I do not understand how people can become individuals in health care when I can't understand them.

Phone call to the vet:

"I'm calling to get test results for Ripley."

"Hold please..."

"In???, this is Dr. ????."

fuck.

"Hey, what are the urine results?"

"Negative on urine."

Silence

"So she's okay?"

"Yes, temperature said you was hot and is still?"

fuck.

"Yes she did have a temperature but it's gone down I think. If her urine results came back negative should I still continue the anti-botics?"

"Never recommend ????? ?????? ??????? ?????? so continue."

okay...keep feeding her the pills...get it.

"Skin condition ?????? ??????? ?????? ?????? ??????? ?? ??? ?????? ?"

"What skin condition? She has a skin condition?"

"Dr. ?????, who saw last Saturday said hmmmmmm......????? ????? ?? ? ? ? ? ????????????????????????????????????????"

WHAT. THE. FUCK. ARE. YOU. TALKING. ABOUT?

"She is tomorrow or next Saturday. You can call back."

Now why the FUCK would I need to call back? Obviously, I have all the information I need.

So? What is that fine line. "Yo...Doc, I can't understand a fucking word you are saying can I please talk to someone else?"

I don't give a shit where anyone is from but you are discussing Ripley's test results, try and slow the accent down.

I have a Texas accent and it can be heavy at times and I have to constantantly monitor it. I still pronounce words that people here don't understand but my ass isn't giving out test results for someone's pet.

If you think I'm just some white racist Texan, you are wrong. My Grandma F was full blooded Italian. The only words I ever understood clearly from her were "God Bless, India."

She also was not giving out test results.

I'm sick and so is Ripley...

We make for quite the lazy pair. Sasha is not happy. The last couple of weekends I've been taking Rip to the vet and Sash doesn't like being left behind. I've been trying to walk them but I've been sick. I walked them in the rain on Superbowl Sunday...maybe that's why I'm sick.

I find out Rip's test results tomorrow. I'm crossing my fingers and toes that it's just a switch of medication.

Or that she's lazy...just like me.