On a lighter note...

Does this make me look Phat???

Okay...so I was a bit dramatic last night...

I get like that some times. Just have a bad spell...as my grandma use to say.

Hmmm...I wonder if that's what they use to say to crazy people...heh.

I stand alone.

I always have.

You see…you can’t depend on any one.

But me...

CVS parking lot...

I had a pen and paper...

it's amazing what computers can't do.

I. Am. Blown. Away.

I talked to my ma tonight.

Job searches...blah...blah...blah.

She said "What about culinary school?"

"Huh?"

She said "You can cook and make it art."

"Yeah Ma, I know."

"SO?"

"It's expensive Ma..."

She said..."You can find a way."

That's a long story short.

I couldn't believe the words that were coming out of her mouth.

It's funny how parents...or in my case how a parent impacts a child's life.

When a parent says you will fail...you think you will fail.

She's said that a few times.

This time is different.

She told me to try.

Weird...

Anyhoo...guess I'll be looking in to culinary schools tomorrow...

Fuck not like I haven't been already.

I got two great choices...just haven't looked at loans.

That's been my block.

Yet again my Ma came through and said "You don't know till you try, India."

Very true.

Still blown away.

I tried to defuse the fight...

He called me stupid and ignorant.

Why do people do that?

Call people names that is.

My roommate was drunk.

Still no excuse...

I cowarded...told him to leave me alone...

Said I'd hit him...He said "Bring it on."

I hit every thing but him....walls.

Why do people call people names?

I'm angry...

no one understands...nor do they want to listen. they are tired...guess what...so am I.

I want to rip my fucking guts out but i don't know how to do that.

The fucking pain is so...so...sad.

I can't sleep any more.

Heh...the girl with the Tink jammies doesn't believe in fairy dust any more.

Okay...I do...I just don't believe I fly can any more.

Found a video on my computer today...

It was Vance. It was 57 seconds long. It was a bad 57 seconds but it wasn't even close to the worst.

Now I know why my camera stopped working. He charged me. That was the end of the video and the demise of my camera. I forgot about that.

People don't understand and I don't expect them to I'm just starting to understand myself.

God...that was almost a minute...how many of those are in a decade...

I don't even want to do the math.

It's been a bad night.

I want to piss every body off in the world!

Okay...maybe two or three...

None today...but it's still early.

I do like my face...

Some times...

Took the girls for a walk...

I'm amazed that they didn't take the hands off of the small children that wanted to pet them.

They were sweet today...as kind as my dogs are they have their breaking point.

I'm starting to realize...

That I'm different.

I'm not the norm in the world.

It's a good trait and a bad one...

I can't understand people the way that normal people can.

People understand normalicy.

I understanbd abuse.

It's a quite different world.

I feel so much more compassion than others.

It's painful...

I know no one understands this...because people can't stand to feel any more.

I've learned to live with it.

My emotions are coming out ten fold.

I can't remember the things that he said to me day to day...I think I've blocked it out because it was so second by second...

However, I think that it makes me stronger.