I knew my birthday was falling from grace when the sherman police pulled me over

That was two nights ago. I was looking for my dog. They thought I was lying. I still don't understand this. I'm a kid at heart. It doesn't matter if I'm 10 or 48. I like my birthdays. I got one card in the mail with $10 dollars and a fabulous card. With that ten bucks I got every thing I wanted for a fabulous birthday. Thanks you, Mindy. I love you.

I got an email that disturbed me...

They don't believe that Vance tried to kill me. Why bring it back up again? It pisses me off and gives me nightmares. Every one tells me to let it go but yet they bring it back up. I put shit in nicely wrapped boxes and put them away in my brain. Every time some one brings up shit a bow gets untied. People tell me to let it go but they keep bringing it back up. This I do not understand.

I signed up for a free online dating website....bad choice.

Not like I was going to go on a date I just wanted to talk. Now it's become a mission to see what kind of assholes are really out there. This could be a book. I got the creepers first. This is the normal penis pictures. Wow...surprise. My response is the same...is that all you got? Guys that pretend to be nice. The kind of guy that looks sweet on the outside but has banged all of his friends girlfriends. Old musicians that pose with the 10 guitars that was his dream but still tries to look cool. A guy that probably just got dumped and if you say some random comment he goes ballistic. He threatened to kill me with a 9MM. So scary. Please. I could live on Mars for all he knows. At least he vented. The Professor. He was an odd one. Maybe six sentences back and forth. Last message from him "1) why does it take you 2 hours to reply to my message??" This is when I become a bitch. My response: "Maybe because you are not my 1) fucking priority." Then there are the "others." This is where I fit in. Tattoos, piercings, long beards and a threat to society, so people think. They just want to talk some times. I learned very young that beautiful is the best. I'm glad I was ugly because I'm not rotten inside.

I don't sleep well...

Sleep was my one place to escape. Not lately. It comes and it goes. Full force the last 3 nights. I see his face first. Then I hear him screaming. I wake up in sweats. I don't want to listen any more...please don't make me listen any more. "Don't go for the door you fucking cunt and don't look at the dogs to try and save you because I will kill you all and then myself." People tell me to get over it. What? My dreams?

Somewhere over the rainbow...

The Wizard of Oz. I had an hour to escape once a year when I was young. I always wanted the ruby slippers. I was always Glenda in my dreams. Now I'm just the wicked witch of the west. Opps.