Black hole
Damn. Today was a little to much for me. I’m going to try and make it through this without starting to cry again. Ok…too late.
I’m not sure why I feel this way today, just this feeling of worthlessness. I kept trying to pin point the feeling and that’s the only word that kept coming to my mind.
I know I’m lucky. Home, car, job and a landlord that finally mowed my lawn today. Sometimes I can think all I want about these things but it didn’t help that black hole in my tummy today. It sucked me right into a void that I just can’t seem to get out of.
I don’t really have any friends here and the one that I do lives pretty far away. I come home, sit and watch TV. Since I got DSL now it’s this. I never go out, I never really do anything and it seems that me doing this for so long makes it harder to actually try. It’s hard meeting people in this town. I’m not talking dating but just friends. I’m not sure that would have helped me today but it was worth a thought.
I guess what I’m basically having is a pity party…hell at least its some kind of party.
All this shit is just swimming around in my head…one thought, then another then an obsessive thought that has nothing to do with the first 2. Just random loads of garbage. Then my throat chokes up and the tears start coming. I can’t stop them today. I usually can.
I’m not sure why I feel this way today, just this feeling of worthlessness. I kept trying to pin point the feeling and that’s the only word that kept coming to my mind.
I know I’m lucky. Home, car, job and a landlord that finally mowed my lawn today. Sometimes I can think all I want about these things but it didn’t help that black hole in my tummy today. It sucked me right into a void that I just can’t seem to get out of.
I don’t really have any friends here and the one that I do lives pretty far away. I come home, sit and watch TV. Since I got DSL now it’s this. I never go out, I never really do anything and it seems that me doing this for so long makes it harder to actually try. It’s hard meeting people in this town. I’m not talking dating but just friends. I’m not sure that would have helped me today but it was worth a thought.
I guess what I’m basically having is a pity party…hell at least its some kind of party.
All this shit is just swimming around in my head…one thought, then another then an obsessive thought that has nothing to do with the first 2. Just random loads of garbage. Then my throat chokes up and the tears start coming. I can’t stop them today. I usually can.
posted by iamfallingfromgrace at 10:43 PM
2 Comments:
i'm sorry you're feeling this way. this is a feeling i understand. i usually try to distract myself. no, it doesn't make everything all perfect and better, but it makes things tolerable for a while. how about maybe go out and take some pictures? that can be a good way to meet people. it makes the time go by, it gets you out for a while, it's distracting and fun. cripes, i sound like somebody's mother... anyway, this too shall pass. hang in there.
maybe a weekend in h.beach with t. will help? or a trip to texas? i'll pay 1/2 of the plane ticket. c. can watch the dogs, what do you say!! :) i love u!
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