Love?…..

Sunday. I’m not, in such a good mood. I was fine until I talked to T.

Had my merry day. Actually got up and did something today. Did all the back laundry I had to do. Or most of it anyway.

She loves him. I always knew she did. She just wouldn’t say it. They went out last night and this morning she didn’t want him to leave. She couldn’t explain it. I asked if it was like someone shot a hole through her, she said yes. She said that she felt empty when she saw him walking down the stairs. She doesn’t know what to do now. She feels vulnerable and doesn’t like that feeling.

I guess what I’m getting at here is…it’s so hard. You love someone and you don’t know if they love you back. You’re afraid to ask…or tell. That’s what T is going through. She loves him. She doesn’t want to hear the “I don’t love you” and she’s not willing to take that chance. I told her you have to know….it’s black and white. Loves you or doesn’t. She doesn’t want to take the chance on “the doesn’t”. I don’t blame her. No one wants to hear the no.

Ain’t it just fucked up? Love is one big mind fuck….hell, even “like” pretty much screws you up.

She made me miss him. Not my ex…someone else.

The touch, the hug, the him….the way he smells…the way he feels. I miss it. I’m not really sure men know how much we think about them after they are gone. It’s a fucking bitch to be a woman. We think way to much, when men, I don’t think, think at all. If they do, they don’t think the right way.

I miss the feeling….skin on skin….sweet whispers in the middle of the night……