I’ve started thinking about things…

Goodness knows I’ve had three days trapped in this house and with a couple of nights that I couldn’t sleep so I might seem insane at this point. Plus it’s really fucking hot here. Crazy from the heat….that’s my defense Judge.

I just started thinking about my life. Hell, it’s funny. I have always thought that I was just this middle class white girl that never lived though anything.

But I have…I just never thought about it so much until I started writing this blog. The stories seem like fiction to me because I can’t actually believe that I’ve done, lived through and seen the things that I have. As sure as shit it isn’t fiction.

I was watching a cheesy movie today…yeah I guess I do like them in some form because I always write that I hate them.

Today’s was Shall We Dance? I love ballroom dancing….or did. I was raised with it or semi raised with it. The movie made me want to take lessons again.

Frank…*clear throat* aka…my father was a ballroom dance instructor….still is I think …somewhere in Oklahoma. Even after his stroke, I think he can still dance. Not sure though, haven’t talked to him in a couple of years.

Wow that came out due to the ever impending holiday this Sunday. Oh how I don’t know what this day means…. Father’s Day….never have.

I don’t have a father. And I think the fact that he’s still alive is worse than anything else. I will never speak the word Dad again. (sorry Minn no disrespect)

People are out buying cards and presents and I…well…don’t want to go there again. I tried. I only give up myself a few million times before I know…It’s done.

All I wanted was for him to like me…not even love me…just like me.

He just never did…and he never will.

But hey…we all have our faults…right?

Damn Father's Day commercials!