I’m so glad I’m not a part of his world anymore…

DD left me several drunken messages last night. He had done drugs the night before and was trying to cure the coke over by Sunday brunch. After as many of glasses of champagne as he could consume he wandered off….ended up stumbling down the street and falling….cracking his head on the sidewalk and passing out. Yeah…I was surprised to hear that. He was in a strip mall…the people that he was with eventually found him right before the police showed up. His friends fed the cops some bullshit line that he was sick and had fallen. I’m sure the cops didn’t fall for it but they just didn’t want to deal with it so they let it slide.

The guys he was with helped him to a friend’s house close by and called one of their friends for a ride. Well it seems the girl they called was drunk and after she picked up DD and his clan she was turning to get on the freeway and she hit a pedestrian. One of the guys in the car told her to keep going.

She is now in jail for hit and run.

Oh yeah….and DD was pissed because his wallet was in the back of the car which they impounded.

He hasn’t considered in 24 hours that a person is in jail because of him and that the person that was hit could be in serious condition.

I’ve tired of telling people to beware of him….even myself. I have never met anyone like him…he hates himself but will throw everyone under the bus but himself…and never look back….and when he does it’s very twisted and he did nothing wrong.

As Megaton said…”You can find salivation in the mundane”…I think that was it. Now I know what it means….DD has now become the mundane and I have grown bored of “on the edge” and the stories that he tells are so cruel and wicked…and just leaves me with the same question I’ve had for years….”why does he continue to do this?”

Because that is his world….that’s how he wants to live….actually I think this is how he wants to die.

At this point in my life exciting to me would be a guy taking me to a movie…out to dinner…the guy paying for it would be a plus….but with my personality it would probably be a fight because I think it’s pretty shitty that a guy is expected to pay for a date.

But that’s beside the point…

I guess it starts to be like the 4th of July…you can see the fireworks for years and ohhhh and awwww over them but in the end they become mundane…they loose their light and their thrill.

The funny thing is he knows about the book I’m writing and he just wants to add stories. Hell, I’ll listen and take them but if he thinks that his name will ever be mentioned in it he is sadly mistaken.

I do see some of myself in him. The guilt…the regret…but I also think about it and try not to do it again.

He has a white blanket that covers everything he does….and when he chooses to lift it…what is beneath it…is not the truth….it becomes his truth…..little DD now has to face life.

I fear things in my life everyday….not like most people…I fear what I won’t do…it does cripple me but I know I can find in me what I have to do. DD’s fear is so vast that I don’t think he will ever find his way…and as much as I’ve tried…I can’t find it for him…and I shouldn’t have to…no one did it for me.

I knew it would take me awhile to get over the son of a bitch but to tell you the honest truth I’m not sure I’m done trying to help him….but I’m coming really fucking close. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and for once in my life it’s not a freight train.

I just feel really sorry for all the people that have been drawn into his bullshit….they have no idea of one person’s mass destruction…or maybe they do now….

I just have to come to the concept that I can not continue my life with him in it. Even though his stories are unconceivable and make for some amazing reading sometimes….

But to hear him telling the story today and him thinking it was funny…I’m not sure there is a word to describe how disgusted I was.

He said “It doesn’t matter…she’s rich, she’ll get off.” I just don’t fight with him anymore…what’s the point. The fact of the matter is…no one knows if the person she hit is ok or not. So no matter how rich she is….she in jail and this is California…she will be sued until hell melts the earth.

But hey…that’s not his problem.

And I loved this guy why?

It’s hard to admit that I’m the one that’s stupid.