These were my two major purchases today at the store….

Am I pregnant? Not unless it’s by immaculate fucking conception.

Not to go into depth about it but one doctor asked me if I could be pregnant and I used the same one liner as above. He actually said “You would be surprised how many women have said that to me and were pregnant."

As he was saying this...I thought..believe me doc…no sex at this point in my life...even if it was really bad or I was really fucking drunk I think I would still fucking remember

Wow…they tested me anyway.

Guess what the doctor said…”You’re not pregnant.” "Me...really? Well that’s fucking amazing and I thought all along I would be the first girl to go down in this century to have a baby without the actual act of sex. Damn…I was almost famous.”

He…by the way…found none of my jokes funny.

I think this is going to be a semi-twisted post.

I went to my first physical therapy session today…and of course every doctor or person I have seen has something different to say about what’s wrong with me.

Just give me the fucking feeling back in my fucking right hand…if I say pretty please with sugar on top will ya? Huh?

I really can’t imagine what people go though that have HMO or some other shitty insurance or no insurance at all and that are seriously sick. I’ve got basically different diagnosis from 4 different doctors. People almost die or die from this crap in insurance or misdiagnosis…and I think for most people like me when they explain the shit it’s like a foreign fucking language to me.

I’ve been prodded and poked by doctors for about three months and I’m getting a little sick of it…and to tell you the honest truth, when I’m not in control of the situation, I get a little…well…defensive.

The girl today was really nice but she started touching my hands and my shoulders and I wanted to grab her hands and make her look like a pretzel. But when I’m asking someone else for help that knows a hellaofalot more than me I can’t exactly do that…even though I think I could have taken her….

I don’t like people touching me unless I want them to….but hell…I’ll jump all over you like sweet on sugar if I like you.

Ok...enough of the rambling twisted words….

I still have some ice cream and pickles to get to….