No one knows...

who you are...no one.

We are wrapped up in a pretty package in our own mind.

We battle each other.

All in all we are fighting ourselves.

I've tried to write this blog three times and my brain can't explain what i feel.

Nor can the keyboard.

I don’t like people telling me what to like.

Pointless.

I’ve lived years…YEARS with people telling me to listen to shit I didn’t want to hear.

But I listened. Forever.

Some one stole my music.

NOW…I’m deciding what I like.

Me…deciding what I like.

Me.

My choice.

Uh...wow...really...wow...

Gwen Shamblin founder of the The Weigh Down Workshop – The Church of Thin.

Yeah…”The Church of Thin.”

She was on The Secret Lives of Women tonight. She actually made the hair on the back of my next stand on end. No wonder after seeing her hair...mine had to follow.

She talked to the camera about excess with her 10lb engagement in full view of the camera.

The thought of the evangelist that people use to watch in Texas rang so true with her.

The Church of Thin? Honestly…are you fucking kidding me?

Bitch go listen to Jesus Christ by Tool. Then let’s talk.

If you ever catch the show it is well worth the watch…just for her alone.

Personally my favorite on there was the Freegan. If you live in New York…Man, take her tour. You will never have to buy food again. They throw so much fresh food away I was amazed.

My only question is does booze expire? They never said…nor did I see them find any. If my ass is going to have to go out in NY city in the middle of the night to find half day old bagels…I’m gonna need to find some vodka.

Life is amazing…

I just wish it wasn’t so loud…or bright.

People walk through this life not noticing anything.

I however, am memorized.

A simple leaf blowing in the wind.

Ahhh…overcast and crows fighting. The dog park and hearing the love and admiration of a person with their dog.

The butterflies that hang out around my office.

The smell of bbq on my ride home.

Did you ever notice that pigeons fly around in flocks several circles and then land on a billboard or an electric line? They really aren’t flying rats they’re just a little slow.

Just like me.

Sometimes I wish I didn’t notice all this stuff.

It’s too bright…too loud…too much.

Sometimes I wish it would just stop.

But it doesn’t…nor do I want it to.

I just wish I could turn down the volume.

“Pussy Power”

These two words were introduced to me the other night.

I’ve heard them…do I know what they mean? No.

It was explained to me by a guy. I still had no fucking clue.

So I called a friend…a girl friend. She confirmed she knew exactly what it meant.

Male point of these words:
Him: You have a pussy, which means you have the power.
Me: How does that give me power?
Him: Because you have it.
Me: Do I have to go naked through the streets to have that power?
Him: No…you don’t understand. No, you really do you are just playing stupid.
Me: I wish. Explain it to me.
Him: You have it and men want it.
Me: yeah…so.
Him: You really don’t understand do you?
Me: No.
Him: It’s the power of manipulation.
Me: How?
Him: Because women can take a guy for everything he’s worth.
Me: I don’t do that.
Him: But you can.
Me: Why would I want to?
Him: Because you have that power.
Me: Sounds like a pretty bad power.
Him: Let me ask you a question? How many guys lust over girls?
Me: All men lust over girls.
Him: How many girls lust over men.
Me: Some.
Him: Exactly.
Me: I still don’t understand (now I’m feeling really stupid).
Him: Females have the power of the pussy because they can pick and chose…we however do not.
Me: I beg to differ…there are a lot of men that have women hanging all over them. They have the power of the penis.
Him: Good point but with the power of the pussy there comes the one factor that women do manipulation. Men don’t think that far ahead. Women…plan.
Me: Like free drinks?
Him: Yes and meals and free rent and I can go on and on but you just don’t get it do you?
Me: Nope.

And I really didn’t...still don't really.

So I called a friend.

Basically she told me the same thing. There was on difference though…

Friend: Haven’t you ever been to a bar and looked around the club and had your choice of men?
Me: Never noticed. Thought some guys were hot. That’s about it.
Friend: You didn’t know you had it obviously.
Me: Shit.

And I will say SHIT on more time because I just don’t have it. Which I think is a good thing and now that I know what it means…a bad thing.

I was embarrassed in a bar when a guy bought me a drink.

I was the wallflower for most of the time and when I was the Diva that’s all I was.

The only thing I expected from a guy was to like me the way I like him. That never happened.

I’ve heard the stories that men tell and it’s amazing to me what women have done to them.

Don’t get me wrong…I’m no angel I’ve done my share of bad to both genders.

But I’ve known a lot of strippers and rockers and the story I think plays both ways.

Do I think that women have more power…of course. It’s not because of the pussy though.

But I guess basically prostitution proves me wrong. Because if you are using the goods for drinks, dinner and a good time on him…isn’t that what it is?

You don’t have to walk the streets for that…you just have to walk into a bar.

That’s all I get from those to conversations.

I still have no fucking idea how to use the “Power” nor do I want to.

On a side note:

Before I posted this I wanted to find a funny picture. They actually make jewlery, t-shirts, underware…etc. and so many other things…uh yeah. FOR the pussy power. How many times can i say that in one post. Honestly it's the few keys that still work on my keyboard.

I looked up all words that I could use for the penis combined with power…you guys are fucked. Men got nada. Not even a t-shirt saying "I went through the Pussy Power and only got a crappy t-shirt"

I kind of think that’s unfair.

Because doesn’t pussy power mean they want?

Oh fuck there I go again. They will give it to you for a price. What that is I guess men don't know.

I have to side with the men on this one. As shitty as they can be sometimes.

But aren't we all.

Sometimes...

it's better to be dead than living with no heart.

I’m done…

Please take me out of the LA oven.

Every fucking person here thinks that they are the shit.

Then there are the people like me.

We just kinda hang out and watch people drive really expensive sports cars sssssssssssssslowly.

I have never understood that.

You buy a fast car for a reason.

Uh…to go fast.

My two dream cars are a 57 Ford Thunderbird opal or a Mustang Fastback.

I love cars…not minivans though.

Tomorrow is my first day “off”

The 20% cut was announced on Friday.

Today at work…seemed a little broken.

It’s a weird mixture of sadness and hope.