I have hit rock bottom.

I thought that was just for drunks.

I fell apart at work this morning.

Surprised? I’m not.

I know that every one is sick to DEATH of hearing about this but I don’t care.

I don’t even care if I lose my job.

I tried all weekend to find a meeting for abused women.

I got voicemail.

Funny thing is NO ONE called me back.

Hey…it’s cool…not enough funding…not enough volunteers…

But if I would have had enough xanax or a hand gun, I would not have seen today.

I know every one has heard this before and they are sick and fucking tired of it.

Bummer. I’ve sat on the phone for hours for people and it doesn’t bother me a bit because they are my friends…

That’s what friends are for.

I hold things precious in my world…others however, do not.

I found a place to go tomorrow night, a group session. It’s the first step.

No one understands…he tourtured me and I am not being a drama queen even though years of him screaming that at me made me believe that.

There should never be a machete in a relationship. That memory has been a 24 hour movie for the last four days.

Yeah…once people know you have been abused, they know they can do it to you.

I see the light at the end of the tunnel now though.

I don’t ever want any one…male or female to go through this.

I don’t ever want any person to get voicemail when they need help.

It’s not fair.

I hope to be on the other end of that help line one day.

If I can just help ONE person…just one…I can die in peace.