So…

Here I am still…I’ve always made jokes about my Decade of Darkness…yeah…it wasn’t a joke.

I understand that now.

I went to my first group meeting for domestic violence.

That shit is no joke.

I thought for all these years I was the “Drama Queen” who just blew things out of proportion…not so much.

I thought that what he did to me would pale in comparison to others…not so much.

I didn’t know that pet abuse was one of the first signs of abuse, that would be “coming soon to a theater” near me.

One girl that spoke said that her husband bit her in the face. I had to bow my head…Vance did that to me…no make-up could cover it up…that memory had long been buried until that second.

One of the consensus was every woman’s mind was scattered more often than not. We don’t function the way most people do...yet.

Every cruel thing he said for minutes…hours…days…nights upon end will never leave my mind. I was told that point blank.

I thought people understood what I was going though…they didn’t.

Neither did the girl sitting next to me when her husband cocked a gun to her head and said “if you ever leave me again, I will kill you.”

Vance, never had a gun but the “I will kill you” should have been a welcome mat on our front front pourch.

Everyone said leave.
Everyone said it’s the past let it go.

Guess what folks, sometimes the past grabs you from the inside and won’t let go.

I want to say I’m sorry for always talking about him but you know what…this is why this blog was born and I’m so fucking tired of saying “I’m sorry” I did it for years.

I can’t find and end to this post…

Sorry...