The ex…
Oh how I hate him. I don’t use that word often. He invokes feelings in me that are the black devil of my being. I seethe….I turn into someone I don’t know.
He was here tonight. Can you tell? He wanted to talk. He doesn’t do that well. He speaks over, above, around and changes the subject when he knows he’s at fault.
Mother fucking son of a bitch…God DAMN MOTHER FUCKER!
I’ve never given so much to one person and have them just shit all over me. He said tonight that he never saw any love in my eyes. That’s all I did was love him. I think that he hated me for it. If that makes any sense.
I have been called every name in the book by him. He doesn’t think that he says anything wrong. Let’s recap the names tonight…
1) Called me cunt 3 times
2) Fucking bitch 2 times
3) Fucking looser 2 times
I just want to SCREAM!!!! I want to scream for the fact that he doesn’t think this is wrong.
I guess, I thought….no….I didn’t know he was like this in the beginning. It didn’t start showing until around the 2nd or 3rd year. The anger….the insults…the abuse. Now I’ve always said it wasn’t that bad. I’m not like the women that are almost beaten to death but he did a number on me, verbal as well as physical. I don’t think that there are a lot of women that were head butted by their boyfriend. It kind of hurts by the way.
I don’t even want to post this but I have to. I want to see in black and white what exactly I’ve done because I’m the person at blame. I could have walked away long ago….but I didn’t. I guess we do live and learn.
He always said it was my fault. He’s right. I didn’t walk away.
He was here tonight. Can you tell? He wanted to talk. He doesn’t do that well. He speaks over, above, around and changes the subject when he knows he’s at fault.
Mother fucking son of a bitch…God DAMN MOTHER FUCKER!
I’ve never given so much to one person and have them just shit all over me. He said tonight that he never saw any love in my eyes. That’s all I did was love him. I think that he hated me for it. If that makes any sense.
I have been called every name in the book by him. He doesn’t think that he says anything wrong. Let’s recap the names tonight…
1) Called me cunt 3 times
2) Fucking bitch 2 times
3) Fucking looser 2 times
I just want to SCREAM!!!! I want to scream for the fact that he doesn’t think this is wrong.
I guess, I thought….no….I didn’t know he was like this in the beginning. It didn’t start showing until around the 2nd or 3rd year. The anger….the insults…the abuse. Now I’ve always said it wasn’t that bad. I’m not like the women that are almost beaten to death but he did a number on me, verbal as well as physical. I don’t think that there are a lot of women that were head butted by their boyfriend. It kind of hurts by the way.
I don’t even want to post this but I have to. I want to see in black and white what exactly I’ve done because I’m the person at blame. I could have walked away long ago….but I didn’t. I guess we do live and learn.
He always said it was my fault. He’s right. I didn’t walk away.
posted by iamfallingfromgrace at 12:47 AM
2 Comments:
it's NOT your fault, India. don't beat yourself up by second-guessing your past. we all make mistakes and we've all done things we regret. i know this. it's a positive thing for you to get these thoughts out here, in a safe place, in your blog. but please don't blame yourself for being stuck with an abusive asshole. it's a cycle and you were trapped in it. it's the past, HE'S the past -- and obviously he's still living there, in the past. you, however, are moving on, moving forward. give yourself some credit for that, eh? i've probably gone a little overboard here, but forgive me for one more cliché (though it is sincere): the most positive beginnings can come from the worst endings.
[and any man who calls a woman a cunt, bitch, and loser is in sincere need of castration and a lobotomy.]
so that's why you didn't answer your phone. he cut into our time.. bastard!
james is right. NO woman ever, ever should be called those names, ever! i think v. is in definate need of castration and a lobotomy, (the drugs are well on there way to help do that) and i don't mind performing them. i really just want to bash his face in. please i. move so he can't find you. i'll fly down and help you. ugh, he makes me violent. he'd probably love that.
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