I’ll take all the items on the $1 menu please……

I work in Hollywood and nothing suprises me anymore. I have seen tourist actually lay down next to a star on the boulevard to pose for a picture next to their favorite actor/actress’s star. They have NOOOOOO idea what they are putting their hands on. Ewe…gross if you think of the worst that could happen on a sidewalk and 10 fold it, that
is Hollywood blvd.

I work across from a theater that has people dressed up like cartoon, star wars, Hollywood icon “charters”. Not to long ago 2 were arrested for harassing tourist for money. The police actually did a sting operation on the “charters” (only in Hollywood). I didn’t see it in person but saw pictures on the internet of Elmo being arrested. Fucking Elmo being arrested, hystircal I tell ya.

Today however kind of blew me away.

Took my Mickey D’s walk (McDonalds not actually Mickey Mouse….I specify this because there is charter across the street that has the big Mickey Mouse head and shoes and is dressed as Han Solo…go figure. There is also a small person that wears a “Chucky” mask….shit I’m getting off track in parins…sorry) Ok……

I walk in to MD and there is a mother and a child in front of me…or so I think. The woman is “large and in charge” a good 6ft. maybe 300-400lbs. Now I don’t like to bring up weight because god knows I’ve been there but it has something to do with this story. The “son” is standing behind her, his front is to her back and they are holding hands her palm to the front of his hand. Which I would consider normal for a kid to do to his mother…….

But then…..it kind of scared me….he kind of nibbled on her a little below her shoulder blade. Freaked me out. Then he/she turned their head to the side and it wasn’t a child.

Wait, back up for a sec…I’m saying he/she because when this person turned to the side I had no idea if he/she was male/female so we will go with “him” for practical writing purposes. He was shorter than her which is an understatement. He was probably on a good day, 5’1 and 100lbs soaking wet. I mean, no disrespect but it was like a train wrek….I just couldn’t stop looking at them. Love does come in all forms and I understand this, but what a match.

Not the topper yet….heh. I have to interject one thing….I’m not making fun of anyone because I am starting to feel bad about writing this but it was so insane….mushing forward after that….

When they got up to the counter the woman ordered 6 cheesburgers…..I think her boyfried asked if that was enough. I was trying not to dip into their conversation but it was hard….give me a break. Then she said “Just give me one of everything on the dollar menu”. I have never heard these words uttered in my life. I actually wanted to vomit right then and there. I called Min when I got back to work…and by the way had lost all taste for my double cheeseburger. We counted down the buck menu at Mickey’s.

1) Double cheese of course
2) Chicken sandwhich
3) small fry
4) Some kind of fatita wrap
5) salad
6) 3 cookies
7) some form of yogurt
8) don’t know 8 but I’m pretty damn sure there are 8 items on the buck menu

Now, I’m sorry. I don’t care how big you are but how can you possibly eat that much food. I’m still a little quezy.

This was not to insult anyone. It was just the whole experience of watching it. I know that weird things happen all over but things don’t usually baffle me.

Hell, I’d love it if some guy would let me get big as a house and eat anything that I wanted and still stand behind me in line at a public place and nibble on my back.

Shit….ANYONE….ANYWHERE….nibble on me……PLEASE!!!!

You know what though…..love…..ain’t it grand.