You never know when crazy is going to leave a voicemail
He reared his ugly head again, morning before last and left me a voicemail at 7:30 in the morning. I kind of had a feeling it was him, didn’t bother to answer nor check to see if there was a message.
I checked it when I got home. And you know….I don’t know why I even bother to listen to them anymore.
He said he could tell in my voice that I was seeing someone.
First - I haven’t spoken to the man in 2 weeks. Huh? Are you starting to hear MY voice in YOUR head now???
Second – Who am I seeing? Please tell me? I want to know. I want to know so I can call him up and have him come over and have dinner, watch a movie….and who knows, if I really like this mystery man the sky just might be the limit!! Cause people it’s been awhile!
And of course he never lets me down with his usual closing statements….”Fine if that’s how you want it you fucking bitch….you fucking whore...then have a nice life.”
It’s amazing what a delusional mind can do when it's givin to much time, not enough attention or my guess….to many drugs or to much alcohol. I have finally come to accept this.
I have realized that I can’t change him, nor do I wish to, anymore. My time in prison is over. I have served it, lived it and almost lost my mind over it.
It’s funny after that message I went to work and was outside smoking. There is a woman that I see out there sometimes. She is always alone as I am and she smokes then goes back into the building. Well this day, she was on her cell phone. You could tell she was distressed and talking to a girlfriend. She walked down the alley out of ear shot. When I started walking back into the building she had moved up the stairs and was still on the phone but had started tearing up at this point. As I walked up the stairs she said (man this kills me) “I have changed so much and made so many sacrifices, I just can’t believe that he won’t change at all.”
You have no idea how much I wanted to stop. Grab the phone. Hang up on the girlfriend and say “Move on, it’s not worth it.” But I just kept walking. She wouldn’t have listened anyway. Her prison term is just beginning and only she can stop it.
What her conversation meant to me was she loved him more than he loved her, hence her sacrificing and him….well…not.
I think now, that you come to love and accept a person as they are. Hell, there are all kinds of shit that people don’t like about other people but you have to ask yourself if you can actually LIVE with the shit.
I saw her today. No cell phone and smoking as usual. I wondered if maybe they had worked it out. Don’t think so, different look on her face. I imagine that look will be there for some time.
People tell me I look different now. I’ve had people say that when I was with him I use to look dead. Come on people, that a little extreme don’t you think? I’m crawling out of a hole here!! But you get my point.
I do, however, wonder where this mystery man is. Hmmmm….interesting…..
I checked it when I got home. And you know….I don’t know why I even bother to listen to them anymore.
He said he could tell in my voice that I was seeing someone.
First - I haven’t spoken to the man in 2 weeks. Huh? Are you starting to hear MY voice in YOUR head now???
Second – Who am I seeing? Please tell me? I want to know. I want to know so I can call him up and have him come over and have dinner, watch a movie….and who knows, if I really like this mystery man the sky just might be the limit!! Cause people it’s been awhile!
And of course he never lets me down with his usual closing statements….”Fine if that’s how you want it you fucking bitch….you fucking whore...then have a nice life.”
It’s amazing what a delusional mind can do when it's givin to much time, not enough attention or my guess….to many drugs or to much alcohol. I have finally come to accept this.
I have realized that I can’t change him, nor do I wish to, anymore. My time in prison is over. I have served it, lived it and almost lost my mind over it.
It’s funny after that message I went to work and was outside smoking. There is a woman that I see out there sometimes. She is always alone as I am and she smokes then goes back into the building. Well this day, she was on her cell phone. You could tell she was distressed and talking to a girlfriend. She walked down the alley out of ear shot. When I started walking back into the building she had moved up the stairs and was still on the phone but had started tearing up at this point. As I walked up the stairs she said (man this kills me) “I have changed so much and made so many sacrifices, I just can’t believe that he won’t change at all.”
You have no idea how much I wanted to stop. Grab the phone. Hang up on the girlfriend and say “Move on, it’s not worth it.” But I just kept walking. She wouldn’t have listened anyway. Her prison term is just beginning and only she can stop it.
What her conversation meant to me was she loved him more than he loved her, hence her sacrificing and him….well…not.
I think now, that you come to love and accept a person as they are. Hell, there are all kinds of shit that people don’t like about other people but you have to ask yourself if you can actually LIVE with the shit.
I saw her today. No cell phone and smoking as usual. I wondered if maybe they had worked it out. Don’t think so, different look on her face. I imagine that look will be there for some time.
People tell me I look different now. I’ve had people say that when I was with him I use to look dead. Come on people, that a little extreme don’t you think? I’m crawling out of a hole here!! But you get my point.
I do, however, wonder where this mystery man is. Hmmmm….interesting…..
posted by iamfallingfromgrace at 10:01 PM
1 Comments:
i like the way you put that: "My time in prison is over." that's totally right. you're free from the chains (him) that kept you imprisoned. and now he's the one imprisoned by his own problems. maybe the mystery man is really the invisible man...? you know, the guy that misplaces your keys and makes socks disappear in the dryer. er, maybe not. heh.
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