And the depression sets in…
I went from a brilliant day to a panic stricken one. I haven’t had one of these days for quite sometime. I use to call them “death days”. These are the days that I try and sleep but impeding death keeps coming to my mind. When I try and sleep as I’m starting to go out, I panic. I think that if I fall asleep I won’t wake up which makes the panic bad enough to make me physically ill.
I really hate it sometimes that I live on the darker side of life…but then again I wouldn’t be who I am if I didn’t.
I’ve always been this way…I can’t remember a time I wasn’t. As a kid, when I finally got my own room at around 11 I rarely left it….it was my sanctuary and I haven’t changed much from then.
My house has now become that, I love being alone. I do find that too much seclusion leads to days like this. To much time to think and wonder what the hell I’ve done with my life. In my mind long ago I thought I would have a house of my own maybe married with 2.5 children. I now know these things are probably not in my future.
Its funny how you think your life is going to be and how it actually turns out. I’m not really sure I would have wanted it how I imagined because how I thought it would be is very vague….so, if things turned out how I thought I could be old, fat with 2 brats that didn’t appreciate me, living in a trailer park somewhere in Texas with a husband that left me for a local truck stop waitress….yea…I think I’m happy with what I got.
Hmmm…I feel better now…doesn’t hurt that I’m watching “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” this movie always cheers me up.
I love the part where everything is eatable….the chocolate waterfall….
Now that’s a world worth dreaming about.
I really hate it sometimes that I live on the darker side of life…but then again I wouldn’t be who I am if I didn’t.
I’ve always been this way…I can’t remember a time I wasn’t. As a kid, when I finally got my own room at around 11 I rarely left it….it was my sanctuary and I haven’t changed much from then.
My house has now become that, I love being alone. I do find that too much seclusion leads to days like this. To much time to think and wonder what the hell I’ve done with my life. In my mind long ago I thought I would have a house of my own maybe married with 2.5 children. I now know these things are probably not in my future.
Its funny how you think your life is going to be and how it actually turns out. I’m not really sure I would have wanted it how I imagined because how I thought it would be is very vague….so, if things turned out how I thought I could be old, fat with 2 brats that didn’t appreciate me, living in a trailer park somewhere in Texas with a husband that left me for a local truck stop waitress….yea…I think I’m happy with what I got.
Hmmm…I feel better now…doesn’t hurt that I’m watching “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” this movie always cheers me up.
I love the part where everything is eatable….the chocolate waterfall….
Now that’s a world worth dreaming about.
posted by iamfallingfromgrace at 9:01 PM
6 Comments:
i would sleep all day if i could. its the only time i feel like i should give life another shot. sometimes i get a hotel room so i dont have to deal with anybody for an entire day.
i love gene wilder's willy wonka and the chocolate factory. i think its one of the best films ever produced.
i dont know what tim burton was thinking when he decided to have depp play an effeminate wonka in charlie and the chocolate factory.
its best not to fuck with the classics.
i love to sleep...i guess that's why i'm so disturbed today because i couldn't.
willy wonka...now that's what i call a movie. the boat ride...gene wilder singing...
there's no earthly way of knowing...which direction we are going...there's no knowing where we're rowing or which way the river's flowing. is it raining? is it snowing? is a hurricane a-blowing? not a speck of light is showing...so the danger must be growing. are the fires of hell a-glowing? is the grisly reaper mowing? yes, the danger must be growing 'cause the rowers keep on rowing and they're certainly not showing...any signs that they are slowing.
god he was great in that movie...
i liked johnny depp in charlie.. it was different enough from the original that it stood on its own.
your texas man.. he might be really nice and sexy.. you never know. move back and find out!!
cuz, l.a. sux in the man department.
I thought I was the only one that had days when fear and anxiety reach out to grab your ankle then pull and pull...
I believed I was the only one who thought the men in L.A. sucked... Glad to see you agree Mindy! So, tell me, does your husband happen to have any available brothers who are willing to re-locate?
m, he has a brother.. but, he lives in a hippy commune with some chick.. oh well.. but, texas men are great!! really, anywhere but l.a., men are nice. there is something about l.a. that just sucks the niceness out of them.
:)
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