No one is better than any one else...

Don't tell any one your weakness. They will always use it against you.

In my small noggin...I thought if I told friends what I went through they would understand.

Hahahahahahahahahahaaaaaa...

I'm tired and I am trying to let it go.

Vance will always be in my brain...no getting around that.

Do. Not. Use. It. Against. Me.

I'll fight back with a smile.

Who took my last Ramen?

I have three choices.

1. Sasha. She might be able to get her nose up to a four foot shelf but she can't boil water.

2. Ripley. She can't reach that high but she sits and waits for any thing to fall on the floor.

3. Robert. Able person. He can boil water.

Hmmm...I think I would chose THREE!

I don't ask for much...you can take all of my food that you want but just leave me one.

We both had some kind of stomach bug.

"Are you serious? You ate all my Ramen? You don't even like that flavor!"

His reply "Well, I thought you had that ramen bowl or something."

Do you ever see a dog tilt their head whit a "what?

I got my keys, slammed the door and went to the store.

I threw up in my car, on myself and in the parking lot. This is before I went in the store.

Ramen was number one on my list followed by Ginger Ale, Alka-Seltzer and Pepto.

I got home and he said "Are you okay?"

Heh. This is where my head went back to pause...breath. I looked at him and my eyes looked up, left, right...target.

"What do you fucking think?"

Don't take anyone's last any thing...you never know when they are going to need it.

Never would have known

That a piece of artwork I got at a thrift store would be by a famous artist. This one he signed twice. "George Petty" He painted beautiful pin-ups.

Oh how I love him.

I woke up this morning to...

Men scrapping paint off the garage. Seriously? How about my house?

That would be a no.

The one thing I don't like is my landlord didn't call me and tell me that men would be here...banging.

Fond memories of Vance banging on the door...windows and climbing over the fence and breaking in the house.

Erase me from hell...PLEASE.

I know very upstanding men that I can count on one hand.

I can't even complete the five. My brother, Robert, Jeff and Bryan.

At least I know four.

Sin and Secrets...

I wanted to scream when I watched the show. I understand these women. It starts out fabulous! They love you and it's so PERFECT! Then it starts. Small things. "India, can't you clean better." I tried to clean better...but it wasn't enough.

People don't understand. They hook you in and then you're stuck. There is no way out. There is always a threat of "I will kill you or your dogs. Your chose." My answer...Me.

I tried to leave the first time. He tried to keep me there by biting my wrists, arms and throat. I left my girls...my dogs. I couldn't stand it any more.

I slept in my car.

People really don't understand.

Men get off good in a domestic violence situation women get life in prison and in mind.

All I can think is there is a strong woman behind every man.

Because we are telling you what the fuck to do and guess what? We are right.

I write notes...

This one read "Robert said "You're a stupid fucking bitch." Sweet.

I wrote it and taped it to my chest of draws.

He woke up this morning and said "I know I said some bad stuff to you last night."

I ripped off the paper and handed it to him. I was so enraged I couldn't speak.

"Oh my god, India I am so sorry."

Sorry is a sad word. Just stop doing it. I don't think that's a lot to ask.

I asked him why he said it to me. His reply was astounding.

"I was pissed that guy called you a fucking cunt."

Interesting. This is where I get foggy.

Let me explain...it's comical.

He said "I was so mad at that guy calling you a fucking cunt I took it out on you."

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahashahahaha!

I finished a fight he started.

Words can be cruel. What am I hearing in my head right now?

"Fucking cunt and stupid fucking bitch."

It makes my hands shake. It reminds me of a very bad place.

Chose your words wisely because you never know the dagger that the other person feels.

People don't understand.

Walk in me shoes. PLEASE.

A guy called me a "Fucking CUNT" today. What? Then he said it again and again and again.

Seriously? Don't fuck with me.

The car door flew open,. I was toe to toe with him. "What did you call me?" His reply "A FUCKING CUNT."

I said " bring it on." He said "No, you hit me first and then I'll call the police." Serious?

It takes pussy to call a girl a cunt.

My roommate and I went to look at a new house...

Pretty place. Nice yard. The ad did not say second floor. No way way in fucking hell could my dogs get up those stairs...I had problems. To steep for me. I don't like heights. The place was fabulous. Granite counter tops all new stainless steel appliances and a pink bath tub. This I liked.

Stairs. No. My dogs are 14.

I really want to get out of where we are. After the random guy in the yard and the suicide by police I'm done here.

We went to brunch after seeing the place. Champagne brunch is fabulous! I couldn't eat. I tried, I made it to the bathroom to throw up. I paid $30 bucks for 5 glasses of shitty champagne and three plates of food I couldn't eat.

People keep telling me that I might have something wrong with me medically. I start to believe it some times. No. I get disturbed by certain things and it lasts for a few days. It makes me physically ill that people are cruel.

I was watching a show tonight and a guy killed some one with a machete. A 21 year old girl.

I will never forget the fling of his machete. He told me he would cut my head off when I fell asleep. I didn't sleep. I still don't sleep that well.

Everyone says to get over it. Every one can go fuck them selves.

I wish people understood.