The fog has finally cleared….and the insane has left the building…
He showed up today. Unannounced and uninvited. Oh…and with a coke-over.
I talked to him last night. Several hang ups later and leaving my phone off the hook proved for a restless nights sleep. I don’t know when I will learn, it doesn’t matter what I say. He believes what he wants to believe. With him, he gets a thought in his head and believes its truth, when it's not. Does that make any sense? The man thinks he knows what I am thinking and has absolutely no idea but what he has in HIS mind is truth. So bizarre to me. It proves to be a serious mind fuck.
Well, maybe not anymore because I know I can’t change it. Today was a serious realization for me. It’s over. It’s really all over. No more pain, relentless questions, screaming, antagonizing…. Which he did today but it didn’t effect me like it normally would. I no longer choose to live my life this way. He can’t control me anymore. A friend told me that this is a new beginning. I can start from scratch.
After he left I got in the car to go to the store. I started crying. For the first time they weren’t tears of sadness. I was crying of relief. I don’t have to do it anymore. It only cost an hour of my time today….before it would have been my whole day….and my night…and the next day…and again and again.
People come into other peoples lives for a reason. I do believe this. To what extent I have no idea. I had a person that helped pull me out of this, then, he was gone. Coming into someone’s life for 9 years I don’t quite understand, but there is a reason. I’m starting to see them everyday.
Maybe I wouldn’t be doing the things I’m doing now. Maybe I’m a stronger person. Maybe I’m into things now that I would have never found.
Maybe I should just stop thinking....
.....nah...that's the easy way out.
I talked to him last night. Several hang ups later and leaving my phone off the hook proved for a restless nights sleep. I don’t know when I will learn, it doesn’t matter what I say. He believes what he wants to believe. With him, he gets a thought in his head and believes its truth, when it's not. Does that make any sense? The man thinks he knows what I am thinking and has absolutely no idea but what he has in HIS mind is truth. So bizarre to me. It proves to be a serious mind fuck.
Well, maybe not anymore because I know I can’t change it. Today was a serious realization for me. It’s over. It’s really all over. No more pain, relentless questions, screaming, antagonizing…. Which he did today but it didn’t effect me like it normally would. I no longer choose to live my life this way. He can’t control me anymore. A friend told me that this is a new beginning. I can start from scratch.
After he left I got in the car to go to the store. I started crying. For the first time they weren’t tears of sadness. I was crying of relief. I don’t have to do it anymore. It only cost an hour of my time today….before it would have been my whole day….and my night…and the next day…and again and again.
People come into other peoples lives for a reason. I do believe this. To what extent I have no idea. I had a person that helped pull me out of this, then, he was gone. Coming into someone’s life for 9 years I don’t quite understand, but there is a reason. I’m starting to see them everyday.
Maybe I wouldn’t be doing the things I’m doing now. Maybe I’m a stronger person. Maybe I’m into things now that I would have never found.
Maybe I should just stop thinking....
.....nah...that's the easy way out.
posted by iamfallingfromgrace at 12:07 AM
1 Comments:
you are stronger! love,m
p.s. don't let him in. even if he's outside, just go about your business. how long could he stay?? yes, i know all day. but still don't let him in. ok?
Post a Comment
<< Home