Is that a rooster in your pocket or are you just happy to see me…

I’m sorry…where do I live again? This is what I saw in my front driveway when I got home from work. Interesting…it followed me down the drive to my house in the back. I think it thought my toes were worms. He scared me a bit. He was pretty cool though…just a baby.

I heard from DD today. I knew I would. He left me a voicemail at work, at 7am this morning…when he knew I wouldn’t be there. He just wanted to wish me a happy birthday. He sounded normal…which means in my world, when we first met. I called him back and got his voicemail. Asked him to call me I just wanted to know that he was ok. He’s been playing on my mind lately and as much as I don’t want to care, I still do. Don’t get me wrong, there is never an intention of getting back together with him but he flips though my mind from time to time and I wonder sometimes if he’s still alive.

He called me back. He’s living in a “sober living” home. He’s 10 days sober…and I’m happy for him. He said at the end of August he was going to meet with a counselor and figure out the core of his issues. He hid things from me for years. No telling what is in his mind. I hope he can be honest with himself.

He always said I never looked inside myself, when in actuality, I did…and still do…daily. I know the reason for my neurosis. I had a shit father….ok it took me 35 years to get over it but I got it. I actually asked my sister tonight when we were talking on the phone “Is that son of a bitch still alive?” Heh…my sister replied…”As far as I know”. That was really hard to type, but my father is…in fact…an asshole.

My father is not the only issue…there are tons more, but it makes me who I am. Everybody has their shit…their issues, it’s just the choice for that person to see it…or not.

I judge myself on how I treat everyone around me. People that just breeze by and not give a shit baffles me. I expect people to treat me the way that I treat them…and you know what? It’s just not that simple.

Most people don’t give a fuck. They could give a shit less if you live or die.

But I do…and I guess that’s all that matters…to me.