Lately….

I’ve been suffering. I don’t know if I can express how I feel in type. It’s wrong…all wrong. Things shouldn’t have happen as they did. Why can’t it just be…good…simple.

This is hell…but it just happens to be called earth.

As I bow my head and hold my own hands, I realize, I am the only one that I have.

I want to scream at what I’ve been through…but all I have to do is look in the mirror to see who is to blame. That’s why I can’t look in the mirror. I can’t face myself. Why didn’t I walk away? Fuck. I stood there and let him do all these shitty things to me. I had no faith in myself.

I want life to land on “cushy cartoon wheels” it usually doesn’t…but it should, and I will try for the rest of my life to think it will.

As I sit here crying…over him…someone that almost destroyed me…I wonder. Why?

I want to pick up the phone and call him. Make sure he’s ok. But I can’t.

I loved him so much. You would think that someone would appreciate that….or at least notice it.

This is why I am the way I am. At least I can depend on myself. That’s a sad thing to say.

I’m just starting to realize the damage he did.

I beg everyday for the pain to stop. It doesn’t.