Fern me….

I love that plants can find a way to grow where ever they feel comfortable. Just like a daisy growing in between the concrete of a sidewalk…or maybe it’s because they fight their way up.

I think It’s beautiful….other people think it’s stupid.

My conversation with my sister last night affected me a little more than I thought. We did talk today and we came to the agreement to disagree. That’s cool with me. I love my Yeena….

M came over today and helped me clean my house….lots of people said they would….always for a price…they didn’t they just took what I had and walked out….

M just wanted to help me.

What I want to say is I love people that actually do what they say they will do. M did that for me today….oh and how I love her for it.

I did make a brutal mistake today….

I thought….silly me…that since he’s been semi-sober…that maybe he could handle me talking to him about how I felt about our relationship.

The funny thing is…I can’t express how I felt about situations to someone that doesn’t remember it and has no idea how it affected me.

He said…”I was fucked up and I don’t remember that so let it go.”

Maybe he has a point…but for me….words…soak into my skin….through my veins and straight to my heart…and it sits there.

People have told me that I need to change that. How?

And everyone out there might think that I’m full of shit and that I’ve bitched two nights in a row because I was leveled yet again. I can’t say you’re wrong if you think this way…

But who am I to say anything. I’m garbage…and people don’t have any problem telling me this. The mistakes I’ve made. Got it.

Jeff….you’re right. I need the mundane…but it seems I want some justification…

And it won’t come…so I do need to let it go.