Did someone say God…AGAIN?

Do I have to say it ONE MORE FUCKING TIME?

Jesus CHRIST!!!

I tried to stop it…really, I did.

“I don’t discuss religion.” I said.

Next door neighbor said…

“That’s because you haven’t found God.”

Jesus, Joseph and fucking Mary…guess they were on that fucking keychain I lost.

Oops.

“You need to pray” he said

“Yeah and you need another $20 bag…the point?”

“India you are so fucking tormented.”

“And?”

“You don’t have God in your heart.” He said

The fires of hell opened up and sucked him down like a little bitch.

“Don’t you tell me who MY God is, where MY heart is…you have absolutely NO fucking idea.”

“You need to read the Bible.”

“Yeah and you need another $20 bag…the point?”

Redundant…yes, I know.

Fucking drug addicts…I always have to repeat myself.

Waste of my time and God’s too.

The Wizard of Oz…

It will always be one of my favorite movies.

I never knew there was a house out here dedicated to it.

It was so fucking amazing that photos don’t do it justice.

It was…stunning.

The first picture is the first step....

The rest leads to the miles of OZ...before you ever see the front door.

Ahhhh....how I love the classics.

I forgot the words my Grandma Felix spoke to me one day…

“You adda the salt little by little because you can not takea it out. You understanda bambina?”

I now understand this applies to more than just great sauce.

It does apply to all things in life.

Today I realized it was hair.

Yeah…yeah…I liked it yesterday but that was yesterday.

Now I look like Shirley Temple on crack.

Damn.

You can always add more tomatoes to the sauce right?

I think that is the Italian version of “The world gives you lemons and you make lemonade.”

The only thing I know is there has been a saltshaker over my head for the last three weeks…

It’s fucking snowing in California and I don’t have enough tomatoes.

I was looking for something specific the other night and I came across a small brown bag.

I looked at it and thought “What the fuck?” As soon as I reached into the bag I realized it was all of Joe’s letters and cards.

I forgot he use to call me Woodstock (not the concert…the cartoon).

I forgot he was stationed at Camp Pendleton.

Funny…I was in Texas and he was two hours away from where I am now…and now he’s gone.

Ain’t life a bitch. I thought those letters were dead and buried when my Mom had to sell her house.

Nope.

I had forgotten how every boyfriend made me “dispense” of any sign of a former boyfriend.

Hence the brown paper bag…hell, even I forgot about it.

He believed in me…when no one else did…so many years ago.

After reading the letters, even Joe wasn’t a saint…but then again…who is?

Those letters made me realize what I have to leave behind and what I need to hold on to.

I was hoping that after this extremely long post my hair would have grown back.

No luck on that one.

Fuck.

Sunday and a new hair cut...

I feel all shiny and ready to go to church. Well, I love the hair cut but I think I would burst into flames if I stepped into a church today.

No I didn't do anything death defying...or did I?

heh

Saturday night…

I don’t know about yours but mine was so amazing that I’m not sure I how to describe it…I’ll try.

I was cooking pasta and realized that I needed butter and also light bulbs. So I decided to go to the store.

I also had to go by the bank and decided I needed to drop a letter off at the post office so it would be picked up first thing Monday.

Went to the store, got my butter and bulbs and a few other things that I didn’t need.

Then the bank, post office and home.

I know…so exciting it’s scary.

At least I have buttery pasta and light.

What more could a girl ask for right?

Courage the cowardly dog

This has to be one of my all time favorites.

I was all up for Loony Tunes when I was 5 but oh how I love Courage.

Just a thought...

My new chair...

I found it at a thrift store...I love it.

Unfortunately, Sach seems to love it too.

Ok….

I’m ready to talk about the broken window.

Unbeknown to everyone but M and Minn DD had been living here for 3 weeks. In separate rooms with no physical contact, I was trying to help him out again, against my better judgment.

I never claimed to have good judgment.

It would take me days of words and hours of pictures to describe what happened that night…but I’ll give you the only picture that makes him dead to me.

When I was five, my sister, six and my brother eight waited for my father to pick us for a movie. He told my mom he would come over and pick us up for a movie. She got us all dressed up and he never showed. He did that a lot.

For some reason that night I went downstairs to the kitchen and saw my mother with her back to me, facing the sink and gripping the edge of it so hard I thought her bones would shoot right through her skin.

She was sobbing…the first and last time I’ve ever seen her cry.

“Mommy? You ok?”

“The only thing I’m grateful for from that bastard is you three kids. Go back to bed India, Mommy’s fine.”

A few nights ago I did the same thing. I stood in front of my kitchen sink and squeezed the tile so tightly I thought I would crack it…and cried like there would be no tomorrow.

Low and behold…the sun did rise.

It only took me a decade to figure out that some people are just cruel.

I will never see my father again not even at his funeral. Unfortunately for Vance, he did something so cruel to me that he is now in the same category as my father.

I don’t hate Vance…I pity him.

I don’t know which is worse.

Starz Comedy???

I think who ever put the movie that I just watched on this channel was on crack.

“The Velocity of Gary”…I’ve never heard of it nor was it a comedy but it was a fucking great movie.

There I was all ready to laugh and instead I was spell bound.

It was one of the few dramas that I’ve seen that I only need to watch once…the impact was that incredible.

It would ruin it to watch it twice.

And the night got worse after this…

That window has been rotten every since I moved in here so I’m not surprised that someone leaned against it and the wood gave way.

The problem about it was is that no one seemed to care but me.

What proceeded after that is so bad I can’t even post it.

I always think that people are kind. I think I’ve learned for the last time that most people are not.

I know I’ll always have a kind heart, no one can change that but I refuse to let people take advantage of me anymore.

Especially my landlord. I called him about the window. He claimed that rotten window that he’s been promising to fix for years shouldn’t have broken with someone just sitting in front of it leaning on it.

Shit, if I looked at the fucking thing wrong I was afraid it would collapse.

He said it wasn’t his problem and I would have to have it fixed myself.

I told him “Sure, I’ll call a professional to come over and look at it but if he says the wood is rotten, like I know it is, your paying for the charge for him to come and look at it and pay for it to be fixed.”

He said “I’ll be over in ten minutes.”

Yeah…you bet your ass you will.

I had surprise visitors today

I heard M’s voice and walked to my front door and saw her.

As I opened the door she said…

“There are more to follow…many more.”

Surge, M’s friend (the replacement for “The Evil One” I can only scream THANK GOD!) his two sons A&A, C and M.

Four kids ranging from the ages of 9 to 17…with left over fireworks.

Who just stole India’s heart? Kids with things that go BOOM!

Imagine if you will…a 500sq ft. house with 3 adults, 4 children, 2 dogs and fireworks.

That’s called fun people.

Everyone was setting off the fireworks in the back yard and M and I decided to go to the store. It was so funny we ran out of the house laughing like we were in high school.

The trip to the store took about 10 minutes…heh.

Lesson here…never, EVER, under any circumstances leave 5 males, no matter what age, with a lighter, fireworks and a random bottle of charcoal starter fluid in sight.

M and I came strolling through the common yard and saw this mysterious glow coming over my steel backyard fence.

I looked at M and said, “I think my backyard is on fire!”

She started laughing and so did I. We ran into the house.

M said “What the hell is going on?”

Four boys and one man walked by us mumbling something about it was just the last firework and it made a lot of smoke.
No, when the truth came out it was a beer bottle, the last firecracker and some liter fluid and them trying to make dog shit burn.

If M and I were here we could have told them that it wasn’t possible…but it was priceless to see the look on their faces caught in the act of doing something they shouldn’t have been doing.

Lighter fluid on dog shit?

I’m still laughing about it.

At least I got to set fireworks…

Not just watch them…how boring. Honestly unless your five watching is no fun.

I wanted to set shit on fire and watch it explode. Luckily it was only fire works and no none’s house.

I may have come close though. M took them away from me before that happened. Damn!

Hell I would have too if I was her.

Never give an upset girl, that’s been drinking, a box of fireworks that go boom.
It was amazing fun though…the best 4th I’ve had in a long time.

I rarely cry…

I hate the sound in my ears of me sobbing.

The last time I really cried was when my grandfather died and the time before that was when my grandmother died.

I stood in my kitchen tonight and tears just started to fall…as always I shut down the water works.

“Control India, what do you have to cry about?” I kept asking myself that. Everything and nothing was my answer.

I have nothing to cry about. I just get sad sometimes about the things I should have done or shouldn’t have done. I’m angry for the things that people did to me and I’m angry for letting them do it to me.

I have only myself to blame.

I can cry all I want to but it’s not going to change history and it sure as shit isn’t going to change me.

I do understand suicide now…it’s the easy way out.

I have to admit, the one thing I love about life is the pain.

Two fucking Christmas movies on today

I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings but it July 3rd…one fucking day shy of July 4th. It’s also one degree shy of a 100 fucking degrees outside and people are airing movies with snow?

Are you fucking kidding me?

No wonder crime goes up when it’s hot outside.