THISISHOWMYLAUNDRYWENT…

I don’t get pissed off easily. Okay, I do but I hide it well.

The laundry of hell.

This guy…I don’t know his story, nor do I care. I was simply putting my clothes in the dryer.

He was standing next to me folding his.

All the sudden that dryer door was pushed just close enough to my face that I looked and saw him through the oval glass.

I said

“I’m sorry did I hit you with the dryer door?”

No reply just a scowl.

I apologized again.

He just stared at me.

He had a shit load of laundry. Maybe the wife was sick and he had to do it and he was pissed…. maybe. I have no fucking idea but don’t rain on my laundry parade you fucker. No one wants to fucking be here especially me.

One of my dryers worked well and the other one not so much. As I was folding my clothes from the first dryer he walked by me…semi pushed me into a folding counter and glared at me.

I was standing there dumbfounded. What the fuck have I ever done to you…I don’t even know you.

But I didn’t say a word.

I’ve only used my right hook once and we all know who that was on…I wanted to break it out.

He was pissed over something and I understand that, just don’t take it out on me…because you don’t know me.

Hands down…the worst laundryiwanttopunchsomeoneintheface experience I’ve ever had.

At least my clothes are clean and he’s not leveled and I’m not in jail.

I can understand being pissed off at your life just don’t pass it around.

It’s like a fucking virus.

What a dick.

BUT...

The body is here so…

Had to repierce that shit.

And…as me and my sister figured out on the phone tonight…I’m not a drama queen.

I’m just dark.

I like that.

A friend said to me…

“It’s almost like you’re looking for sympathy India.”

Nah…I realized today…that’s all I feel.

For every fucking goddamn thing on this planet. No one understands this. I don’t either.

I feel for everyone but myself.

I have lost my life.

Booze, smokes, whores…wait....I’m straight, ok well…except for the Lilly Allen picture.

The truth of the matter is…is that I’m such a nice person…I’m a shitty person.

I over do…to the point of annoying.

And I don’t understand where that fuck that comes from.

I’ve always been silent…my whole fucking life.

I try and speak now and no one listens…or they do but don’t take the time to understand.

Now I’m just a stark raving bitch.

How did this happen?

Where did I go?

I left long ago…but the body remains.

Ain’t that a bitch…

Ba da bump…

R.I.P.

Christmas day 2007.

Noel

A stray found on the side of the road. She didn’t make it.

She was pretty fucking cool though.

I miss my grandmother…

So much it hurts…actually hurts my heart.

There is nothing I can do about it and I hate that…she's dead.

The one person that understands me is gone….poof.

One itty bitty heart attack and it’s over…done.

This Christmas, for me, is in her memory.

She keeps me sane even though she’s not here.

I would trade my life for one second with her.

I think that’s long enough to say

“I love you.”

As I typed that…Minnee called from her family’s house.

She had them scream “Merry Christmas” for me.

Life is good.

That’s the best fucking Christmas present I’ve ever gotten.

Thank you Mindy...you gave me my second.

I’M DRUNK…

Oh…sorry…company party.

It was fucking fabulous.

I sat next to the CEO…

He’s from London…

He built the company I work for out of sheer balls.

Ground up,,,,,

I’ve worked there three days shy of three months.

I got a fucking Christmas bonus.

Can you fucking believe that shit?

I still can’t.

Oh…oh...oh…and I get to keep my office.

Life sucks most of the time…it didn’t today,

tick...tick...tick...

did the blonde in the car in front of me not know what the little stick by the big round thing that you drive something with is?

Hmmm…

I know…the clicking sound and the big purty light tends to throw people off. It’s called a fucking blinker.

You turn your blinker on for me and I am more than willing to let you over...hell…I’ll fucking get out of my car and roll out a god damn red fucking carpet for ya.

If you don’t know what a fucking blinker is and you cut in front of me again…without the purty light on…you got a Rodeo up your ass.

I will include rodeo clowns with this package…for no extra charge.

It’s rare I’m godsmacked…

Tonight two people told me the truth.

With honesty and openness.

It's kind of cool to hear someone actually tell the truth.

I just don't understand this world.

It's all so simple but people make it so complicated.

Who the fuck did that? I'll hunt um down.

I need names people...I'm Italian...I know people.

I have a third cousin from my fathers 5th wife that does...."stuff."

or was it his 4th wife?

It seem every time someone drags my ass out…

I have a good time.

A mile away from home, free booze, good band and being stamped as 420 didn’t hurt.

That was a good night.

I like it when that happens.

Ummmm….yeah.

Now that’s a fucking great picture. The thought of being with another woman has never really enticed me…until now.

This is the first time I called 911…in my life.

I have lived next door to Chris for over two years. Lately…it’s been strange. I think drugs would be a factor.

I don’t care if people blare their music during the night but this shit has gotten out of control. This has been going on for a year. Can you imagine hearing Jessica Simson 13 times in a row…yes I started counting.

I was just trying to watch TV in my living room. I couldn’t take it anymore.

I walked next door and saw him through his kitchen window…dancing. I tapped on the window. He looked at me and I said “Chris, can you please turn the music down.”

“FUCK YOU! You always bitch about this.”

“I’m just trying to watch TV.”

All the sudden his front door opened. He was in my face and grabbed my arms and lifted me off the ground. “YOU FUCKING BITCH, YOU ALWAYS HAVE A FUCKING PROBLEM.”

“Let go of me…all I asked was turn the fucking music down.”

He let go of me…then full palm pushed me in the chest.

“DON’T EVER TOUCH ME LIKE THAT AGAIN. Chris this is 911 material.”

“Fuck you.”

I walked back in my house picked up the phone and called 911. I hung up before it even rang. Two seconds later my phone rang…”Did you just call?”

“Yes. But I thought it wasn’t that big of a deal so I hung up. I don’t want someone to be in trouble or arrested.”

“Can you tell me what happened?”

I recapped.

“We are sending a squad car out.”

“I really don’t think that necessary.”

“Yes…I think it is.”

Five minutes later two Glendale policemen were at my front door.

Funny thing is…Chris knew I was serious when I didn’t even know I was. They caught him walking out of his house.

They told him to go back in his house and they would be back after they talked to me.

Those cops were cool.

I told “Cop Smith” I wanted to punch him in the face.

“You had every right to...it is self defense. If this happens again he will go to jail. You should have called us sooner. I know he’s been drinking and yes…drugs are probably a factor…I could see that right off.”

I feel bad for calling 911.

Why?

Someone abuses me and I feel bad.

I’ve never understood that about myself.

BiaxinXL…

Now this is one fucked up antibiotic.

I don’t usually take antibiotics but I’ve been sick for a month so I knew I had to.

I started feeling strange yesterday. Today was worse. I started misjudging doorways…I kept hitting my shoulders on the door jams. People were talking to me but I didn’t hear anything they said. I just looked at them with no thought in my mind. Tired, dishevled, I’m in la la land.

So I decided to google Biaxin this morning.

wow...here are a few comments out of 500.

Every paragraph a different experience.

“Forgeting to breath while sleeping, racing heart while resting, metallic taste in mouth, Dieing of thirst, confusion, dizzy, stomach cramps, extream hunger, nightmares,sweats when finally falling asleep.”

“Horrible panic attack. It seemed like everything was moving extremely quick. Every step I took felt like I was running. I tried breathing deeply and slowly, but it didn't help. I was insanely paranoid for about 30 minutes. I am not taking this medication again.”

“I feel like I'm on some kind of illegal drug and people think I'm not listening to them because I am so zoned out.”

“The worst part was all the lit I have looked at says do not mix Xanax and Biaxin yet even though my doctor knew I was on Xanax she put on Biaxin anyway!”

“ANXIETY DEPRESSION INSOMNIA COULDNT SLEEP FOR MORE THAN 5 MINS NERVOUSNESS RESTLESS ALMOST IN A ZOMBIE DREAM STATE”

“Fatigue, Nausea, Dizziness, Rapid Heart Rate, General "all over the body" Weakness, Lightheaded/Fainty.”

“Disorientated, bad taste in mouth, havent slept for 2 whole days even though i'm shattered I have nervous energy and strange like fluttering behind my eyes when i lay down, like my brain can't shut down at night, feeling a bit twitchy all over. Also bouts of severe depression and crying uncontroleably. Horrible stuff”

“Depression, crying, unable to sleep, Short tempered”

“I woke on Day 6 and noticed swelling on my lips (down there~not the ones you put lipstick on)”

WHAT? I freaked out when I read that one but let me continue...

“I was on Biaxin for about 5 days (out of 7) and just couldn't take it anymore. I never experienced such a rancid taste and smell in my life. Total insomnia. I did not sleep even one wink for all 5 days plus 2 more nights because it was still in my system. On the 5th day I experienced horrible hallusinations of pigs & a piano flying into the living room. All the curtains flew around. My husband had to convince me the house wasn't haunted.”

I woke up a couple mornings ago, I'm clearly seeing my room. Except there are three wild boars with large tusks all bearing down on me, ready to attack. I blinked a few times and the boars went away (just as I had hoped). Also just a couple dreams where I saw patterns painting onto the ceiling, also seemed to vanish with a waking blink. I'm someone who seldom dreams, uses no drugs, gotta admit the boars were kinda cool.”

First of all my doctor wrote a prescription for Biaxin and Xanax on the same pad (new doc by the way…didn’t like him when I met him and really don’t like him, especially now).

I have two more days of these pills but I don’t think I can do it.

I thought antibiotics did nothing buy cure a sickness. I never knew there were side affects like this.

I must say though…

I’ve always wanted to see pigs fly.

My new couch…

I walked into the store and wanted it instantly.

Nope...can't do it. Hell, I shouldn’t have been shopping at all but I was depressed. What else is a girl to do?

I kept going back to that fucking couch.

Next thing I knew that baby was strapped on the top of the Monster headed for home.

At least I got a deal. I got the guy down to $100.

I got the fucking thing home...now I just can’t figure out how to get Sacha off of it.

I got my Xanax…and a Christmas tree.

I only had to get bronchitis to get them.

I’ve been walking around for a month with this shit...not the tree but the bronchitis.

Finally had to bow my head and go to the doc.

“You’ve been this way for a month?”

“Yeah.”

Antibiotics have done wonders…

Xanax…much better.

The Christmas tree didn’t hurt.

Oh how I adore him…

I’ve grown tired of apologizing here…

I think this is my third post of apologizing for things that I've written. Third times a charm right?

People start blogs for various reasons. Mine was quite simple. I was incredibly fucked up after I broke up with DD.

This was my therapy and I thought it still was. I write things that come out of my own mind…how I felt in a certain situation that no one else felt or saw even though they were there.

Maybe because they aren’t me.

If I can't openly write here then what's the fucking point?

none.

THISISHOWMYMORNINGWENT…

I haven’t been this angry in years…

I control my temper well…day to day…but eventually it catches up with me. It tapped me on the shoulder tonight.

I think that everything is relativity simple. The world spins round…you are nice to people, they are nice to you…woops…I just tripped over my own stupidity.

I think that the world is fucking golden.

“Sorry India…fucking golden is not available today.”

“Thank you...I'll come back tomorrow.”

And I keep going back.

I really am, tripping over my own stupidity.

Never revisit the past…

I knew I shouldn’t have gone out last night. Went to see an old friend of a friend.

When I don’t like someone…I just don’t like them. It chemistry. Male or female...it doesn't matter. She’s a sweet person but I can’t fucking stand her.

She even said to one of my friends as we were leaving…”Why does India hate me?”

I don’t hate anyone…I just can’t hide when I don’t like some one.