Schwed

I got an email today from TV Guide and the title was RE: Sad News.

Well hell, TVG was sold and I thought everyone had lost their jobs.

I started reading and saw the name Mark Schwed and then "passed away."

Oh my god came out of my mouth several times and then I realized I was saying it out loud...really loud. I turned my back on the computer. No. No. Not Mark.

I worked with him for years. He was a brilliant writer, friend, drinking buddy, smoking buddy...he was just an incredible person.

He accepted people for who they were. He never judged people on what he had heard, he found it out for himself. There were very few people he didn't like and no one that didn't like him.

He was laid off from TVG a few years ago and moved to Florida where his family lives. His funeral is on Saturday.

I thought "That sucks...there are so many people here that loved him and most can't fly to Florida."

Well, low and behold...the wonders of Hollywood...

His hang out, which was Dan Tana's, will be holding a memorial service for him next Friday.

Minneee, T and me and so many others use to hang out with him there. A famous hole in the wall. It was great. It was his home away from home.

Last memories...

When I came back to TVG his first question..."Why the hell did you come back?" Then he showed me a stapler of mine that I had on my first stint there that he found it in the office supply room. He told me he saw a white label that said "INDIA'S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He kept it because I used enough !'s to mean I was serious. He returned it to me the day he left.

A year after he moved back to Florida he came back through Hollywood. I was at my desk and heard a voice. I thought "Sounds like Schwed...Nahhh." I heard it again. "Yup...that's Schwed." I took off down the hallway, turned the corner and saw his face.

"MARK!"

"India"

I ran towards him with my arms open and he caught me. "You still have the stapler?" he said.

"Yup."

He was an amazing person.

The world got a hell of a lot darker without him here today.

I've always wondered about a blog I read...

Is she real or is it a hoax? "Belle de Jour" parts of her blog were made into a book. I never felt the need to buy the book because I've pretty much read her whole blog. Who ever it is, is an incredible writer. By the way, don't look this up at work...no graphic pictures but you don't want a co-working looking over your shoulder and seeing some of the things she writes.

I Googled it tonight and everyone pretty much thinks it's a hoax.

Quite honestly, I don't care either way. I do however, hate that she has stopped saying as much since "deals" for other books and other things have come into play.

Fucking Hollywood...it even spreads to the UK.

I WANT...I WANT...I WANT

I've started taking a new route to work and this house caught my eye the first time I saw it. It's vacant...maybe a foreclosure. It's not in the best part of town but it's also not in the worst.

I can barely get a picture of it, much less get the address but tomorrow night I'm stopping. I doubt I can afford it but with the house market in the shit hole out here, I could have a chance.

It looks like a witch house...I love it!

*POP*

My bubble was busted again.

I've always lived in fairytales because true life is just a little to hard for me to take sometimes.

I strive to be normal but that shit isn't going to happen anytime soon. Actually, probably never.

I try so hard that I fail...my history confirms that.

I never claimed to be the brightest crayon in the box, but goddamn it I try.

At least I got a good drawing out of the frustration tonight.

But my heart hurts...wish I could erase that.

I had forgotten...

I had dinner with T and her new boyfriend last night.

She brought me something, that I gave her long ago.

The ring.

I'm even to fucking embarrassed to tell the story behind it but I'm glad T saved it for me.

I had passion in my heart when I bought it. All $140 worth at K-Mart down the street.

It's a trailer trash story and a memory I chose to forget.

But I love the ring.

Rain...

it always makes for a good picture.

Freaky Sunday

Minnneee called me and asked me if I could see a ring around the moon. Nope...but I couldn't look at the moon at 10pm without the clouds half covering it or sunglasses so I just held up my cell phone and snapped.

Minnee looked it up when I was on the phone and really couldn't find any one certain explanation for it. One said the sun was close, someone else told me Mars was near....blah...blah...blah....

I'm just glad Minnee told me to go outside... and I have a great cell camera.

Encore...

Minneee did this before...but it always deserves to be repeated.

Songs mean so many different things to so many people, even a three year old.

So it seems I’ve realized a few things over the last few days…

People always have a problem with me. Except for a handful. All I am is honest and I do admit overbearing at times…but never a bitch until pushed to it. Oh, and I can be a bitch.

I don’t like drama. I lived with it for too long with DD, don’t wrap me up in it and blame me later. It doesn’t work for me anymore.

When I say “no” or “I don’t want to talk about it.” I’m not just being a “chick” I fucking mean it.

I’ve had a really hard last few days and I’m sick and tired of people taking advantage of me mentally.

I’m sick of lying for people who are lying to everyone else in their lives and being left out in the cold because I did.

I’m sick to death of this shit.

This is my time to decide who I want in my life and who I don’t.

You don’t trust me? You think I’m shit? Then sail off into the God damn sunset and have a great life.

See if you will find another person that will stand by you like I have.

I make mistakes and I’ve made a ton, we all have.

I don’t think I’ve deserved what I’ve gotten from a few people over this weekend.

A friend of DD’s came by this weekend to get the last of Vance’s shit he left here. I adore the guy. He’s just like me.

“I’m sorry Dave, I’ve seen you one to many times under these circumstances.”

“Hey, yoa…India, I know what you’re about. You tried to help him the best you could…so have I. He’s kinda fucked us both over but somewhere he’s got a fucking good heart…he just ain’t found it yet.”

I adore Dave, unfortunately, he falls for the same kind of people I do. People that don’t appreciate us and walk all over us. People that know we will keep taking the blows.

Dave has saved my ass because of situations Vance has put me in so many times…he’s pretty fucking amazing…and yes, he’s just a friend.

As for a friend that has left me in several situations that I was dumbfounded. Trust the words of a man you’ve know for 2 weeks over me after us being friends for 16 years. Have fun…believe me it only lasts for so long.

You never cared to hear my side of the story and that’s cool.

Basically, I’m tired of apologizing for things that I should not have been put in the middle of in the first place.

No more.

Don’t fuck with me…

I will fuck you over…and I do it well.

It’s a nasty part of my personality that comes out occasionally.

It’s rare but it does happen.

People underestimate me.

I can be quite the bitch.

This part of me never comes out unless ignorance calls it out.

THISISHOWMYDAYWENT

I got up on time.
Found a new way to work that cuts time off my time.
M called me on my way.
The vet called.
Rip does have a bladder infection.
Vet said call my pharmacy.
Vons does do animal/human anti-biotics…hmmm. Silly me, who would have thunk it.
Ex call…needs his amp he left here…desperate. I hang up.
Work is work.
Fatburger for lunch, extra chili, extra mustard. What more could I ask for.
Picked up Rip’s med’s at Vons. $69. I thought it was $100.
Came home.
Amp gone.
Means ex broke in today.
Had to check the house to see if anything else was missing.
No.
Talked to M.
Then Minneee.
“The Green Mile” was on.
Switched it just perfect to see the circus mouse.
Boom…a mouse comes running underneath my bedroom door.
Small little fucker
Ran right to my feet.
I screamed.
An amazing dog search ensued.
The mouse is still free.
Don’t know for how long though.
The Green Mile continues as I fall asleep.

I have a lot of chairs…

Five to be exact.

I noticed that today when I was thinking about sitting in my living room, on my new couch.

I haven’t had a couch in 3 years. When I was with my ex I had a ten foot sectional…that I use to live on. When things started to fall apart and I got fat I slept there. I spent 9/11 on that couch. DD hated the sight of it.

He talked me into getting rid of it…just like he talked me into driving him to get drugs and paying for it. Enough said about that.

Now my new couch is a foreign object.

I look at it…tilt my head and think “Hmmmm…interesting.”

I have yet to lay on it.

I guess I have couch issues.

This post even scares me.

So…

I took Rip to the vet today.

She had a lump on the pad of her good leg.

The doc was concerned. I appreciated his honesty.

“She’s disabled so I can’t really judge if she ripped the skin off of a pad or a new pad is forming but it feels a little harder than it should. I’ll give you something to put on it but if it doesn’t clear up in a month, bring her back and we might have to do a biopsy.”

My mind: Did someone just say it might be cancer without saying it?

I talked to M today…she said “Don’t morn before you know. You will morn enough when she does go.” Appreciate what you have now.”

She’s right.

Did I just get positive advice and get it?

Noooooo…I think I might be sick. Yeah…yeah…I think I might have a fever.

The rain makes me happy…

My fucking street is a river…it’s beautiful.

I think it really is the city of angels when this happens.

It’s Goddamn gorgeous.

A man was fatally shot at the Glendale-based Forest Lawn cemetery about noon Tuesday, authorities said.

Jason Grey, 29, was visiting the cemetery when the shooting occurred, Los Angeles Police Department Det. Pjai Morris said. It was unclear whether Grey was visiting a family member's grave. He was pronounced dead at the scene.

"It has all the signs and makings of a gang-related homicide," said Morris, noting that Grey was shot multiple times in the upper and lower body.

The suspect fled the scene, Morris said.

The shooting took place on the Los Angeles side of the 300-acre site, and the LAPD's Northeast Division is investigating.

It was the first reported homicide of the new year in Los Angeles, Morris noted.

I took the two above pictures on Christmas Eve this year.

This cemetery is within walking distance from my house which is creepy and cool…now it’s a wee more on the creepy side.

A gang shooting in a cemetery…what will people think of next?

I just don't get it...any of it.

I wait for this marathon every year

This and a bottle of Champagne and life is good.

New year everyone! Happy remains to be seen.