That’s why….

....as much as I like to fight it......i fell apart today. I got ugly with my best friend in the whole fucking world and I just didn’t know why. Now I do.

I’m cleaning up the fucking mess. His mess…my mess….I can’t scrub hard enough. It’s all such a bunch of bullshit. I really thought that this shit was over. Every thing that he brought into this house that I have to move out I don’t think it matters. It does.

Fuck…I’m sitting here crying….in my deserted kitchen…..and typing a blog…man am I fucking pathetic or what?

It’s amazing…when you finally see it and then you can’t do anything about it. I’m on highs and lows at this point. Sometimes I’m really happy, then others….it’s completely dismal…today is dismal.

I thought it would be good to get out that rug that he brought into the house that was blue (yuck….I don’t like blue) and move the 50’s table that I bought at a garage sale for $5 and painfully scrubbed the rust off all of the legs that has been broken for 2 years. This is a good thing right? Then why do I feel like shit? Why am I crying?

I’m crying because I’m a mess….and I know it….or just realized it.