I forgot what it’s like to wake up and feel like STUPID is tattooed across my forehead.

But I guess this too shall pass. I don’t have much of a self esteem and what little I had left was all but burned at the cross last night. Honestly, I don’t even know why I try. Now I understand why I live my life in front of my computer, it’s much easier this way.

I refuse to be shit all over again. At this point I just don’t think my mind could handle it, well obviously it can’t…heh. If I’m leveled by being stood up then….gawd….I can’t even believe that I posted that I was stood up and I’m still writing about it. How embarrassing is that?

Ok…I feel a little better after just writing that.

Let’s look at the silver lining.

Ummm….

I will eat steak for days….you can never bitch about that.

I have a bottle of red wine, maybe I’ll learn to like it….I doubt it…but I’ll try.

I just need to learn that the world isn’t perfect. Not everyone feels the way I do. To me life is just a big fairy tale. I think things should be easy….effortless. It’s not…and I know this.

Off to cook some steak…maybe have a glass of red wine. Anyone want to join me? If you say yes you have to come. I don’t think I can handle being stood up twice in one weekend.