I saw the flashlights first…

Ahhh…fuck. Here we go again.

It brought back memories of the police coming up to the door when Vance got arrested.

This however, was different.

It was 3 detectives from the LAPD.

10PM at night? Interesting.

My next door neighbor claimed he saw a man hiding in the bushes outside my living room window a few nights ago.

He also sings to his Jessica Simpson CD all day long, has shaved his head and there is a strong indication on my drugdar that it’s been snowing in his living room.

Nonetheless, there were three very large detectives with very large firearms standing at my door asking me if I knew a guy named Hector.

That’s like asking a girl from Texas if she knows a guy named Bubba. Oh wait! I am from Texas and I have known a couple of Bubba's in my day.

“It’s LA, who doesn’t know a guy named Hector?”

“Does that mean you know a guy named Hector that lived here?”

“No, I don’t know anyone named Hector that lived here. Why? What is the problem?”

“There is no problem now, he’s in jail.”

“Okay…then why are you here?”

“Well, his ID had this address on it.”

“What is he in jail for?”

“No need to worry, he’s in jail, sorry to bother you.”

Then their flashlights faded into the distance.

Wait…what…what the fuck was that?

I decided to go next door and ask what was going on…unfortunately I didn’t have a snowplow big enough to make it to the front door.

I went to the front house and asked the couple (M & J) what was going on. They were as perplexed as me. They got the same questions from the detectives that I was asked with no information in return.

We did discuss how bizarre it was to see Men O’ Law with crisp button up shirts, ties but no jackets and over the shoulder gun holsters with really big guns in plain view.

Was it really the LAPD? maybe some LA Mafia looking for a stash of hidden drugs or money?

The whole situation was definately weird. It would have been classic if they had on black shirts with a white tie and said "Yo..hey...you know about a guy named Hector?"

Either way, I believe that Hector, who ever he may be, is in a world of hurt right now.

Now THAT was an easy kill!

All I had to do was slam the back door.

Today…has been a bad day

I always thought I liked the easy way out.

The thing is…I do have the easy way out. I can simply move back to Texas and half the mountain of worries on my shoulders would crumble off.

Something inside me can’t do that and I don’t know why.

Hmm…I’m all choked up and don’t know where to go.

Did someone say food fight????

Now I’m not exactly sure how it started…there was a lot of finger pointing…there was also finger pointing when the clean up came into play.

The in between however, was fabulous.

Nothing like a home made banana cream pie and a BIG pot of Cool Whip left on a counter to make for a good time.

Sorry about your home-made pie M…

I didn’t get to taste it…but I still think I have a piece of banana in my hair.

Hmmm….yummy…yeah that’s tasty.

That was one fucking priceless pie!

Almost 4am…

This is what I see from my bedroom door to my front door…it’s not a far walk.

Lying on my belly with my feet kicked up in the air watching “Cash In The Attic” and hoping for sleep.

No wonder I’m still up…all the antiques they are finding on this particular episode are from India.

I keep hearing "India" and I keep wanting to say "Yes?"

$200.35 on the 21st…

and my $17,000 in credit card debt will be paid off.

Unfortunately, there is someone far bigger lurking in the wings that also wants money.

It never seems to end…and believe me I know I’m not the only one that is in this situation.

It sucks but it’s not going to go away.

Ah well…tomorrow is another day.

Another HOT fucking day.

I do have a phone interview on Monday though.

So tomorrow, I’m going to work all day on a mixture of my special fairy dust and hope for the best.

Uh huh

I took those

Not to pat myself on the back but if you know me then you know I am terrified of heights.

I’ve heard people say if you confront your fears then you can conquer them.

I thought about that when I was starting to pass out.

All I heard in my head was “take picture…just…one.”

Hell, I got two before the ambulance came.

Heh.

I am the village idiot

I just don’t understand why people call me for help and then say I’m wrong or argue.

No wonder I don’t answer my phone.

I learned from a young age, to shut the fuck up.

As I got older, I learned to speak the fuck up.

Neither works…believe me.

yeah...

I think I like those two words together.

Nothing like a new shovel to make a girl like me happy...

Guys think it’s all about roses…no wonder I don’t have a boyfriend.

It made me wonder…as I was wandering around Home Depot for my new shovelle’…I realized, I am different.

I have so many shoes that a few cows have died. Okay, more than a few.

I don’t do the mani-petti as Californians call it. To anyone that doesn’t know what it means it is a manicure and a pedicure.

I keep all twenty digits clean. I just do it myself.

My point is…

Hmmmm……I love my fucking shovel. I also love my power drill and the mini one as well. My five hammers and my 20 bazillion screwdrivers and ratchet wrench with to many attachments.

Shoes vs. tools…

Which is my favorite?

As a female…this hurts to say.

Tools.

Any girl can be amazing in a pair of stilettos but you can’t fix a car with them.

Well, I did one night but it was just the battery.

Steel heels and a can of soda does wonders to fire up a Mazda.

THISISHOWMYLAUNDRYWENT…

Ain’t that cute?

I had to go to the liquor store across the street from the laundry mat to get change
(yeah that’s my story and I’m fucking sticking to it).

As I was looking at the uhhumm…diet coke, I spotted the mini-Tide.

That put a smile on my face.

Anything to brighten up washing my dirty clothes in a hell hole makes life a better place.

Booze doesn’t hurt either.

Coming soon to a theatre near you…

Or shall I say me.

Bedroom curtains.

I can’t decide if it was a prom dress or a bride’s maids dress.

Whichever, the fabric is scrump-diddly-uptious and there’s a hell of a lot of it. $5? Sounds like a deal to me.

The problem I didn’t foresee was turning something circle, to square.

There are only so many squares you can make out of a circle especially when the circle is made of triangles.

Everyone break out their Etch-a-Sketch, this might get ugly.

Personally, I should have called NASA.

Heh…

Like they would have been any help.

Funny, I saw the grand illusion but I never saw the seams.

But I'll make those fucking curtains.

I had to read this ad five times…

Then it dawned on me…they are serious.

This is the preferred requirements for “Charter Communications” Client Services Coordinator.

PREFERRED QUALIFICATIONS_A. Skills/Abilities and Knowledge_Ability to reach with hands and arms, to bend, to talk and hear, and to read and use a computer_Ability to read, write and speak the English language to communicate with employees, customers, suppliers, in person, on the phone, and by written communications in a clear, straight-forward, and professional and pleasant manner_Ability to use personal computer and software applications (i.e. word processing, spreadsheet, etc.)_Ability to use, handle, and manipulate objects such as paper, pencils, keyboards, and mouse_Ability to work independently _Knowledge and ability to use the following office equipment: computer, telephone, copier, fax, calculator, and stapler _Knowledge of cable television products and services_Vision ability: close vision, peripheral vision, and ability to adjust focus.


Well obviously I’m not qualified.

I got a D- in paper and pencils and I failed stapling.

I am currently going to summer school for both.

Maybe someday…I can only dream…I will meet Charter’s Preferred Qualifications.

The person that wrote this ad has a job and I don’t?

Man…I'm fucked.

What have I learned at 42?

It ain’t that tragic
It’s not that magical either

No birthday cake…no one singing happy birthday to me…thank god.

No steak and potatoes…unless I actually peel the potatoes, put the steak in my skillet and turn the oven on.

All still in my fridge...minus the skillet and oven.

I can actually buy one slice of birthday cake…still, uneaten.

Again, still in my fridge…just like my fucking resume.


On the darker side of life…

$13 dollars can go a long way at a thrift store. Did some one say shoes? But of course.

Mac does respond when called. Golly Gee…I had a problem with my “I” key. Hello India, my name is here to help you. New key board in three days…no charge.

How’d that happen?

Every family member called me to wish me a “Happy Birthday.”

Now I’m scared.

But three special things happened.

Boys in static
Salt and pepper shakers
Tesh


Oh...and four would be me tripping on the new sprinkler system that the next door neighbor installed.

Shit