I found out yesterday that a friend of mine had a stroke…

He’s a year older than me.

I haven’t seen him in years or spoken to him but it doesn’t make him that far from my heart.

I’ve actually tried to find him, with no luck. Someone found me that put me in contact with his old band mates.

I knew all of them for years. I drove through the Dallas ice for them and they looked after me. They will always be my friends.

People forget friends…I don’t like that.

Everyone thinks they have it so tuff…including me…but when it all comes down to it, we don’t.

Death is a step away…it just depends what brick you step on.

Are you Fucking kidding me?????

Not ONE pharmacy had my inhaler. Not one. I was told they don't stock it due to the transition of the free air or air something. Air...that's what I need. Mindy knows what I’m talking about. They have changed inhalers so they don’t hurt the ozone layer. Well, for the first time California is behind the times. To my amazement they don’t even carry the over the counter inhalers.

The pharmacist asked me why the doctor prescribed that certain one.

WHAT? HOW THE FUCK WOULD I KNOW?????

I’m pissed off and I can’t breath, I can’t sleep AGAIN…nice.

I’m really fucking pissed.

30 minutes after that last post I was at the emergency room…

I tried everything all night. I read…looked at blogs…I was trying everything in my power to breath. If I laid down I coughed, if I sat up I coughed.

Then I just couldn’t breath anymore.

My ass could sure shimmy to the ford in a fucking heartbeat.

On a side note…it sucks to go to the emergency room by yourself.

Anysick…doc told me I had a bronchial attack. I didn’t know I was at war. He also wants me to be tested for Asthma.

Several steroids and breathing treatments later I’m on speed. You don’t give that shit to people that can’t handle it.

I’m actually a little terrified.

I have to calm myself down…and I just don’t know how.

Does xanax mix with steroids?

I’m not sure if I want to find out.

I almost forgot about the time warp...

Thanks Mandy for having it in the collection.

A picture is not worth a thousand words…

It’s flat…doesn’t speak…never expresses who a person really is.

I’ve gotten a lot of flack over me hiding my face in pictures over the last couple of weeks.

There is nothing wrong with my face…we just aren’t great buddies when it comes to photography.

Just because I don’t like to have my picture taken, or hide my face doesn’t mean there is something wrong with my face.

I just don’t like the way I look in pictures…it’s plain and simple.

Sometimes I don’t like the way I look live and in person either…but I think we all feel that way sometimes.

We all have our issues.

Can we drop it now?

Please.

As much as I detest my face sometimes….

I feel that I have a rare quality.

I’m weird…and it pisses people off that I don’t show my whole face in photos.

I admire everyone that can smile at a camera. I commend you.

I don't belong here...

Why is it that I don't fit into certain situations. I wish I could fix this. It seems however I can't.

I'm trapped...I caught a ride from a friends boy friend and I don't see me at my house anytime soon.

Let's see how this goes...

I miss my mom…

I remember the day I left for California. After we closed the back of the U-Haul she walked out the front door of the house. I saw the tears in her eyes. She couldn’t speak. She grabbed my hand and put a roll of money in it. Then she hugged me like she had never done in my life. I knew at that moment that I underestimated her love for me.

“I love you India”

“I love you too mom”

The three days it took to get here I called her every chance I got. We cried on every phone call.

Maybe it was because I was the last to leave. Maybe it’s because we are the most alike in the family.

I don’t really need an answer to that question but there are times that I miss her so much my heart hurts.

Today is one of those days.

THISISHOWMYLAUNDRYWENT…

When I do laundry I usually sit in my car and write. Pen to paper kind of thing. Since I no longer drive “The Monster” I have yet to install a constant pen in “Sherman.”

I had to walk two city blocks to get one. Damn, I need to quit smoking.

I digress...

It was quite the couple at the laundry mat from death today.

She was so happy her boyfriend was helping her do the laundry. He’s all smiles and giggles when he is in there with her. The second he walked out his whole demeanor changed. Ahhh…the scowl that hit his face.

He brooded as he smoked a cigarette. She in turn hung on to the laundry basket and watched and waited for his return.

Will this laundraromamce last?

The romance might but I think I’ll be seeing her in the future alone.

That’s how it works folks. The people that stay together don’t do laundry together.

Believe me…I’m an expert.

My new masterpiece…

I found it on the street.

I only need one panel of wood from it…the rest is bon fire.

It’s standing tall now but I plan to beat that shit to death to get that one panel…that one piece of wood and draw the tattoo that I want on it.

I want a back plate incorporated into the two tattoos that I have already on my back.

I only want one word “Sanity”…but it’s going to be big and unreadable to anyone but me.

I know what I’m doing this weekend.

Drawing.

The best part will be beating the shit out of that bookshelf.

No…I lie…the best part is covering the wood in black charcoal.

Whoosh…then it begins.

By the way...I just looked up Sanity...

This is what I got...

"A theory of sanity was proposed by Alfred Korzybski in his general semantics. He believed that sanity was tied to the structural fit or lack of it between our reactions to the world and what is actually going on in the world."

Makes sense to me.