I just realized something….
After talking to M that is…
Something that has been weighing on my mind lately…it has to do with the post before last that I was so “hard on myself” as M said. I tend to think she’s right.
I have fucked up and I fully admit that, especially with money….as I’m sure everyone knows this by now.
Before I start this fucking rampage which is building…I’ll give an itsy bit of background.
Credit cards…ahhh how I loved them…”loved” is the key word in that sentence. I have had my fair share with them and even more. I have abused them and filed bankruptcy when I first moved out here because of what I had done. That was the easy way out…and I took it.
Did I dive into the credit card hell again? Yes…in fact I did. $17,000 worth. Did I take the easy way out again? Nope. Got them all consolidated and have been paying them off for almost 3 years now. I’m down to $6,000…and I’m going to pay off every last cent if it kills me.
This is where I am going to go a bit ballistic….really fucking ballistic…and it might not make sense at all because I’m so fucking pissed off.
Certain family members think that me cutting down my cable and turning off my cell phone will help. Yes, it will when I want to buy some groceries and gas for the old monster sitting out front. They have also said to call my credit counseling and have my payments lowered. I have lied and said I did call when I didn’t. The terms were very clear when I signed up and plus the fact I’ve come this far and why cut it down now when I’m so close to paying them all off.
Why prolong the payments for another 2 years when, in less than a year they are paid off…for what an extra $200 bucks a month. First of all the company won’t do it and second of all why? I busted my ass paying this shit off and all I ever hear from my them is I’m going to do it again. Well just go ahead and believe that …sometimes three times is not a charm.
And you know what? The cable stands as is…so does the cell phone. So does the wine and the Winston’s. It’s my money. I’ll burn it in my dirt filled pond tomorrow if I choose. Just like they probably think I do anyway.
I find it ironic, the one thing I’m most proud of paying off is the one thing they want me to prolong….it’s also the one thing that they never said “doing good india” about either.
I know that my family has been there for me when I asked…even when I didn’t…and I know I’m not the ray of fucking sunshine coming into their lives either.
But come on…you have to be fucking kidding me here.
But it’s no joke. Not tonight anyway.
This shit is really starting to piss me off.
But I can honestly say…for once…at least I have a 401K that I took a loan off of…so….it seems….I guess I don’t have to ask for shit.
Now… why they keep telling me things I already know and don’t want to do is another story…or…maybe I’m the punching bag of the family. Maybe it’s because I have portrayed myself as the one that was always in need and they can’t accept that I might have changed.
Maybe nothing has changed and I’m just a little fucking pissed off tonight…and I think I have the right. But you know what…stay in your small minds and keep thinking I’m going to continually fuck up…chat and talk about it. I’m fine with that.
I think I was in another fucking world when I was born…I sure as shit don’t fit in with my family, and over the last few weeks…I have been pushed to the edge….and it is also fair to say that they have been pushed over the edge with me for way to long.
I’m just fucking sick of the…cut this money here and that cell phone there and live within your means. Yes…I understand that…again…and again…and again.
Do you also understand that a block of cheese here cost $4.00? Do you also understand that with 2 dogs…much less finding a place in LA that takes dogs is $1,000? Basic cable is $60.00…I have the movie channels so it’s $83.00. Cut off my cell phone….sure why not…I don’t use it that much…but you know what?
If one night I’m driving and get lost in the wrong part of town….and a cell phone is the one thing that could have saved my life...
I have to laugh…
I think they would blame me because I either didn’t use my money wisely enough to have it…or….well…I just fucked up.
This is how my FUCKING NIGHT WENT.
Something that has been weighing on my mind lately…it has to do with the post before last that I was so “hard on myself” as M said. I tend to think she’s right.
I have fucked up and I fully admit that, especially with money….as I’m sure everyone knows this by now.
Before I start this fucking rampage which is building…I’ll give an itsy bit of background.
Credit cards…ahhh how I loved them…”loved” is the key word in that sentence. I have had my fair share with them and even more. I have abused them and filed bankruptcy when I first moved out here because of what I had done. That was the easy way out…and I took it.
Did I dive into the credit card hell again? Yes…in fact I did. $17,000 worth. Did I take the easy way out again? Nope. Got them all consolidated and have been paying them off for almost 3 years now. I’m down to $6,000…and I’m going to pay off every last cent if it kills me.
This is where I am going to go a bit ballistic….really fucking ballistic…and it might not make sense at all because I’m so fucking pissed off.
Certain family members think that me cutting down my cable and turning off my cell phone will help. Yes, it will when I want to buy some groceries and gas for the old monster sitting out front. They have also said to call my credit counseling and have my payments lowered. I have lied and said I did call when I didn’t. The terms were very clear when I signed up and plus the fact I’ve come this far and why cut it down now when I’m so close to paying them all off.
Why prolong the payments for another 2 years when, in less than a year they are paid off…for what an extra $200 bucks a month. First of all the company won’t do it and second of all why? I busted my ass paying this shit off and all I ever hear from my them is I’m going to do it again. Well just go ahead and believe that …sometimes three times is not a charm.
And you know what? The cable stands as is…so does the cell phone. So does the wine and the Winston’s. It’s my money. I’ll burn it in my dirt filled pond tomorrow if I choose. Just like they probably think I do anyway.
I find it ironic, the one thing I’m most proud of paying off is the one thing they want me to prolong….it’s also the one thing that they never said “doing good india” about either.
I know that my family has been there for me when I asked…even when I didn’t…and I know I’m not the ray of fucking sunshine coming into their lives either.
But come on…you have to be fucking kidding me here.
But it’s no joke. Not tonight anyway.
This shit is really starting to piss me off.
But I can honestly say…for once…at least I have a 401K that I took a loan off of…so….it seems….I guess I don’t have to ask for shit.
Now… why they keep telling me things I already know and don’t want to do is another story…or…maybe I’m the punching bag of the family. Maybe it’s because I have portrayed myself as the one that was always in need and they can’t accept that I might have changed.
Maybe nothing has changed and I’m just a little fucking pissed off tonight…and I think I have the right. But you know what…stay in your small minds and keep thinking I’m going to continually fuck up…chat and talk about it. I’m fine with that.
I think I was in another fucking world when I was born…I sure as shit don’t fit in with my family, and over the last few weeks…I have been pushed to the edge….and it is also fair to say that they have been pushed over the edge with me for way to long.
I’m just fucking sick of the…cut this money here and that cell phone there and live within your means. Yes…I understand that…again…and again…and again.
Do you also understand that a block of cheese here cost $4.00? Do you also understand that with 2 dogs…much less finding a place in LA that takes dogs is $1,000? Basic cable is $60.00…I have the movie channels so it’s $83.00. Cut off my cell phone….sure why not…I don’t use it that much…but you know what?
If one night I’m driving and get lost in the wrong part of town….and a cell phone is the one thing that could have saved my life...
I have to laugh…
I think they would blame me because I either didn’t use my money wisely enough to have it…or….well…I just fucked up.
This is how my FUCKING NIGHT WENT.
posted by iamfallingfromgrace at 2:26 AM
4 Comments:
i think your family and mine went to the same fucking charm school!
hang in there. you're your own person, and that means more than anything they can say to you.
One CAN NOT live without cell phone and basic cable plus digital package and movies.
India, it is your life...live it and enjoy it. Trust me, family is not always right and they often offer advice that is of little or no help at all. Most of the time it's hurtful and difficult to ignore.
Pay those debts off as you are doing...for yourself.
By the way, I had Whataburger Saturday...
Just laughing because I had no idea we had the same family. I feel your pain, sis.
ya'll have no idea what those comments meant to me....it made me feel justified for my feelings....thank you...
ouch...such a fucking girly thing to say.
by the way otis....
Whataburger on Sunday? You are really fucking killing me.
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