Now this was definitely a blast from the past…

Now I’m not a big fan of myspace…in fact, I hate it but none the less, it does serve some purposes to some people.

I have an account for the sheer fact that a few of my friends got into it and wanted me to see the people that they had found.

So of course, I had to have a page of my own. The last time I checked it was in December. For some reason I checked that email account that was connect to that today.

Low and behold someone had found me. Billy.

I moved to LA with him, J, Lizzy the dog and a cat named Bear and another named Hollywood.

That was some crazy shit.

We were so fucking poor we couldn’t see straight…we also couldn’t see food for the first few months but we always found a way to buy booze and cigarettes. Priorities people.

We had fun…it was quite the experience.

There was never a day that anything went wrong or right.

We just picked up and moved to Hollywood. I love those memories and Billy made them all come back.

That was a hard road….but it was really fucking fun.

I will never forget the day all of us packed our shit up and kissed Texas goodbye.

Three people, one dog and two cats.

Welcome to Hollywood.

Fuck it

I think too much…

I always talk about people not seeing themselves because they don’t look inside. I guess some people don’t and some people look too much. That would be me.

As I’ve said before “why” is a dangerous word when over used. If a person continues to ponder that word it makes them forget who they are.

For me that word is a reason not to see my life. “Why this why that, why do people treat me this way, why did he do that to me why am I the way I am?

I’m just fucking who I am. I will never be less or more than the next person. I’m not perfect and no one is but I seem to ask for advice to reach that goal. The only thing that does is make me less of who I want to be.

I’ve been dodging the black hole for some time now and I realized last night that black hole is me.

I am my own demise. I can live or die…it’s my choice, no one else’s.

I’ve spent my whole life worried about what people think about me and trying to please other people. I just can’t do it anymore.

I am fucked up, stupid, bitch, whore, fat, ugly, crazy, white ginnie, useless, weak, strange, appalling, rude, and worthless.

I could go on for days with the names that people have tagged on me.

The thing that sets me apart is I take it to heart.

I hung on to those words because if enough people say it then it must be true.

I’ve found that people don’t use words wisely. Words are a powerful tool. I favor expression not abuse. I’d rather be hit in the head with a baseball bat then be called any name because words never die.

I’m different and I fucking hate it but I guess I have to get use to it.

Life is too short to worry about what the fuck people think.

For the second time

I encountered a major accident.

As I passed over the Hyperion bridge to go and get dog food I saw a car with a hand waving out the driver side window and then the remains of a bicycle. I pulled over grabbed my cell phone. 911…again, for the second time.

There was a man lying on the ground covered in blood. The man that hit him didn’t even get out of the car.

I touched the guy’s arm and told him not to move. The 911 operator answered and asked where we were. All I knew was the Hyperion bridge. As I looked up for any signs of a street I heard her say “We now have several calls from that location. Everyone is saying the same thing but we need streets.” I realized that I had walked away looking for street signs and several cars had stopped. Where did those people come from? I looked at the two people that were now holding this mans hands and asked them what the cross streets were. They gave me one and then I heard sirens.

Four cruisers showed up when I was still on the line with 911 but the person on the other end was saying that the ambulance still couldn’t find it. I actually had to ask her if she wanted to talk to one of the police officers. Then I heard the fire truck and the ambulance and I guess so did she.

In total 5 cars pulled over and there were two people on foot. Who said people don’t want to get involved?

When the paramedics came I had to walk behind a pillar. His hip didn’t look right and I knew his leg was broken…bad, it was twisted like something you would see in a horror movie.

I heard a paramedic say “Dude, I think you’re a little fucked up, just calm down.”

Then I saw a flashlight in my face. “Were you the first on the scene?” she said

“Someone waved me over and I stopped.”

“Did you call 911?”

“Yes”

“Did you see it happen?”

“No, I just pulled over to help.”

Another woman that pulled over after me came up to us and started talking to her.

There were so many people and police there that I decided to slide out silently and went to my car. Turned the key…isn’t this where it’s suppose to fucking start? Once again my forehead fell to the top of the steering wheel and I started to cry.

Tap…was the flashlight on my window.

“Are you ok?” she said

“No, not after that. Just give me and my car a second.”

I tried again and the monster fired up.

“Good” she said and tapped the side of my car twice and walked away.

They blocked the whole bridge off.

The bridge they couldn’t find.

Do I fucking cuss too much?

Oops. Guess I do.

This has been brought to my attention lately. I have a sailor’s mouth and I know it. Do I offend? Probably. Do I mean to? Absolutely.

If I was really gifted at speaking or writing I wouldn’t have to use such vulgar words to explain my inner most thoughts is what I've been told.

But since I do not possess these gifts I bow down to you, raise my head and with a ever so sweet smile speak…

“Judge not, lest thee be judged .”

Did I just quote the bible?

Damn, I guess I do have to fucking think about what I say.

You know what? Oscar can suck my dick.

Well if I had one.

Everyone that has anything to do with this shit can shove that giant Oscar fucking anywhere that is going to give them the most pain. I'll help.

It took me 45 minutes to travel 1 mile when I left work today. Not 10 not 15 miles…you read it right…one. fucking. mile.

I learned a lot on this ride. It’s fucking cold here. Well cold for here and cold when you don’t have a heater in your car and 45 minutes is a long ride to ponder my hands going numb since my fucking radio went out, not surprising by the way.

It also gave me a chance to realize how fucking stupid drivers are here. I had to stop and get gas in those drawn out minutes and as I was filling my tank I saw a car pull out in this nightmare of traffic making a left hand turn over two double doubles. Usually that's a In and Out burger order but not in traffic. That's crossing two double yellow lines which is the same as popping a median.

First off it should be illegal here to make a left turn without a light. People just don’t do it unless they want to be shot. I was actually surprised this person could fit his balls in his car to do this today. People were hanging out their car windows screaming at him. Honestly, if someone did shoot him and I was on the jury I would say not guilty due to temporary insanity. By the way I got a Jury Summons a couple of days ago…people beware.

Once out of Hollywood I calmed a little and decided to get that new pizza. Stopped at the Domino’s right down the street, walked in and ordered it. Twenty five minutes...enough for me to go to the grocery store. Mistake.

You know those white lines in a parking lot are all slanted for the purpose of indicating one way? I didn't know they don't apply to some people? I found out it doesn’t tonight. I saw a family almost get hit by one driver trying to back up out of a space to go the wrong way and I almost got hit by a Range Rover going the wrong way. I only say the name of the car because as fast as he was going and the kind of car it was it could have killed my car and possibly me.

Ok India, just calm down. Go get the goddamn pizza and get the fuck home. I drove back, picked up my pizza, get in the car…yummy smells so good…yeah pizza! Put the key in the ignition turned it…hmmm….I think this is where my car is suppose to FUCKING START. Turn again, click.

I did the only thing I could, lowered my forehead to the top of my steering wheel and contemplated gouging my own eyes out. After a few seconds I decided that wasn’t such a good idea. My car started being temperamental again over the last few days so I knew it would start eventually, The Monster always does. I was right, as scary as that sounds. Now I get to go to the mechanic tomorrow woo hoo. Let’s hope I don’t have to kiss that new computer goodbye after I find out how much fixing my car will cost me.

I left work at 5:30pm and got home a little before 9:30pm. I live 6 miles from where I work.

I walked through the gates and saw the all too familiar metal shopping cart again and trash littering by my neighbor’s front door. The sewer is still not fixed and that aroma hit me in the face the second I hit the yard. If someone yelled “Hey Trailer Trash!” at this point I would turn around and say “Yes?”

At least I have a car, a home and a trashy front yard that stinks and enough money to buy a semi good pizza even though I’m currently trying to phase out food to save money. Heh.

Sense of humor at this point is very difficult but none the less priceless.

The one highlight of my evening was the pizza guy wanted to give me an extra topping free…hehe…I bet he did.

The O Tapes...and Elvis

I can’t believe I saw The O Tapes last night. Funny, I was working at the company where that was being produced. I couldn’t believe when I saw one of my old friends I worked with was on it. I forgot that she told me she was going to be interviewed for the O.

J. She was everything I wanted to be. Pretty…built…that little squeaky voice that men can’t resist and a smile that could change the world.

I did the “OMG” girly thing when I saw her on TV.

She was always so sweet to me. She always tried to talk me though the “fat girl that had the shitty boyfriend.”

The man that produced this documentary was also doing a different film on Elvis.

I’ve talked about this before…yes I saw Elvis live when I was 7 or 8.

That producer was amazed when he heard this and wanted me to talk about it on camera.

I’m a little camera shy and that memory is mine anyway, so I declined.

But he never considered me for The O Tapes.

Damn.

I must take a moment to give myself laundry kudos...

I washed everything I owned yesterday. Even my bedding. I’m starting to scare you huh?

It gets better…I actually found 2 pair of dirty socks under my bed and I was a little angry that I missed them when I was packing everything up.

Shit that even scares me.

After yesterday I don’t think I will wait to do laundry again. That was a pain in the ass and it took up almost my whole day which I took off work to get stuff done but shit five fucking hours of washing and folding.

Plus it made me forget that I was going to order the latest coronary in a box.

Domino’s has a new pizza…garlic butter crust and extra cheesy. Now that’s what I’m talking about.

Wow I must have been driven yesterday I can’t remember anything that I was so consumed with that it would make me forget to order that pizza.

Well maybe my new ruby red silky sheets that I got for Christmas. I didn’t think my bed couldn’t get any better…I was wrong.

Thisishowmylaundrywent...and my Mother is

Jesus fucking Christ how much clothing do I own?

A lot…and I love it…well not right now but tomorrow I will.

I'd love to talk dirty laundry but something else is on my mind.

I called my mom tonight to clear the air. That was a huge mistake but I’m glad I made it.

She told me the truth…for once.

“I’ll never think of you any differently India…I am right and you are wrong. You will continue to screw your life up.” Ouch…that’s what she thinks?

Funny thing is…she doesn’t know my life. Not a fucking thing about it.

I love my Mother but right now she is being a complete bitch. She did a lot for us and I appreciate that everyday but I can no longer withstand the words she says to me.

I am different and I know it. I like that about myself.

Everyday is change but some people cease to.

Music…

Glad I didn’t tell Ma about the $16 bucks I spent on music. She might have committed me.

I seem to be good at picking out CD’s at thrift stores just by the look of them and the titles. $2 bucks a shot and I got eight right. I actually like all of them.

London Recordings…a conglobation of 18 different bands.

Twisted Method who I have heard of but didn’t know I liked…first words...“FUCK YOUUUUUUU.” Yeah I like um.

Train, White Hot Odyssey, The Screamin’ Cheetah Wheelies, Howling Diablo’s Live, Orange 9MM and Noma Music Indie Rock….which I am listening to now.

I’m actually finding my own music and there is no one here to pawn my CD’s off for drug money.

Sweet.

I was going to post some random bullshit tonight...

Then I thought better about it.

I spent most of the day in bed. I decided last night that it would happen. I went to bed at 8 last night and slept until 8 this morning. Woke up a few times from nightmares. Some that involved my mother with huge shoes and others there were millions of mice running all over my house and the toilet was overflowing. Needless to say at 3am I reached for the Xanax.

I had an appointment this morning and then had to deal with my landlord…yes once again my bathroom became a wading pool a couple of days ago. Yesterday he admitted that it could possibly not be our fault but most likely it is. After my the phone call with my mom which I chose to hang up instead of fight I did the same with him. He was calm today but started in on his same bullshit. I said calmly, “I don’t care what you have to do, just fix it. I’m tired.”

It’s still not fixed by the way. With him I guess it doesn’t matter if I’m nasty or nice he is the way he is.

I know that people get frustrated and pissed off at certain things. V has had enough of my phone calls but it’s not my fault this time...or the last three times.

I don’t know what the fuck my Mom is tired or pissed off about but at this point I’m tired of being called stupid.

I just think if I show other people respect that I should be granted the same.

I’ve come to find the world doesn’t work that way.

Bummer…

Vanelli

Oh how I love these shoes. Found them at the thrift store today….never worn. $8.

My mother taught me from an early age the passion for shoes.

I called her tonight to tell her about my find.

Shit…bad move India.

She laid into me like there was no tomorrow. I don’t manage my money right and I’m living on the edge and why I do the things I do.

“It’s fucking $8 and they are Vanelli’s mom.”

“I don’t give a shit India your being stupid.”

Stupid…that’s an ugly word isn’t it? Unfortunately, I’ve heard it to many times in my life. Maybe I really am fucking stupid, if my mom tells me I am then maybe it’s true.

After that she raked me across the coals…fuck she didn’t rake me across them she buried me in them. Everything I have done wrong in my life came out of her mouth in 1 minute. I guess she was in a bad mood.

A girl I knew that was in an abusive relationship once told me “I found out through therapy that people in an abusive relationship are searching for home. They are drawn to what they know and what they feel is safe. How you are raised is home.” I think this is true.

Home I found in Vance but I also found knowledge. My Mom doesn’t think that I learned anything after him but I did.

I learned that it takes to much energy to fight especially when the other person doesn’t care what you have to say.

I love my mom, don’t get me wrong but she can level me in a second and I fucking hate that.

And I won’t shut up and I’m not stupid.

The shoes however, are fabulous.

One more from the amusement park o’death…

Does this make any sense to anyone or is it just me.

“Please observe respect?”

How do you do that?

Did someone say Park?

And cemetery?

I felt the need to shop today. When I turned the corner off of my street I saw a funeral progression.

It escapes me sometimes that I live 2 blocks from a cemetery because I rarely see funeral lines.

Forest Lawn. There is one in Hollywood and one here but the one by my house is special. It’s kind of like an amusement park. It’s fucking weird.

I didn’t know that you could just drive into a cemetery and why would someone want to unless it was to see a long departed loved one. Ok…well I did but it’s just because they have “Parks and Museum” on their sign and I was bored. Wouldn’t anyone think “hmmmm…wonder what that’s all about?” Well probably not but it did seem to be quite the tourist attraction.

I’m afraid of death, it scares the fuck out of me. Why I chose to take a tour of my local cemetery today is beyond me. Hell, it was something different.

What does tomorrow hold. Maybe The Museum of Tolerance?

Happy Black Wednesday

Adorned in my usual black attire, for this day I left for work not fore seeing how the day would unfold. In my world I should have had suspicions.

The usual hubbub for this day. People in red and pink, flowers being delivered left and right and women huddled around desks when one of them got flowers.

I love the crap that I hear on this Valentines but I do have a personal favorite that seems to come out of at least one woman’s mouth. “This is such a commercial holiday, it doesn’t mean anything. What matters is how your guy treats you on a daily basis. I don’t want my boyfriend to buy me anything on Valentine’s Day.”

Ummmm, that’s bullshit if I ever heard it. I don’t care how commercial this holiday is EVERY girl wants at least something even if it’s just a card or an email. I won’t lie about it. This day is what it is. I don’t think that girls can help but get caught up in it. I think it was basically created for women. Not that I ever wanted anything fancy on this day but a flower or a card is nice. It’s the thought behind it that counts…an email would make me happy.

Or so I thought…

If the gesture is coming from the devil himself then it’s not quite so special.

All of the above chatter, flowers and candy is probably why I was once again, delivered to the gates of hell.

I’m sure you’ve already guessed where this is heading.

DD called me at work today. He was at my office building and said he had something for me. He was downstairs and asked me if I could come down. My first instinct was to say no but I figured he’s been sober for almost a month and he was trying to be nice. Ok I agreed.

It took me all of maybe 5 minutes to get to the lobby and out the door and there was already a commotion. Hmmm….what’s going on? I can’t even explain why I don’t see these situations coming anymore. Maybe I feel that people grow and change…well most people do but not him.

It seems that DD had parked his bike on the steps of the office building Carlos the outside security guard had told him to move it. Of course DD went ballistic. When I walked out the door Eton the security guard that works in the lobby was talking to Carlos. Eton knows DD and was still under the misconception that we were still together. He said “Indie, DD is over there.” I walked to the sidewalk where he was waiting. I said “What is going on?” I didn’t realize that Carlos was right behind me.

“Fuck Off” DD screamed. I turned to my right and Carlos put his hand on my arm. He started to tell me what happen and DD interrupted him. “Dude, just get the fuck out of here.” I looked at DD and said “I work here. This is my job.” Carlos spoke “Yes and you could easily get this young lady fired. You need to respect this property and me and her.”

“Just fuck off she’s here it’s under control.” He screamed

I looked at Carlos and said “I’ll come and talk to you in a second we’ll take it down the block.”

“I work here DD I’ve told you several times not to come here.”

“The guy was giving me shit about having my bike on the stairs. It fucking pissed me off.”

I repeated myself “I work here.”

He pulled a gift out of a bag and I was going to post a picture of but I just can’t. It’s not offense by normal standards but it was insulting to me on so many levels.

“I needed to get out of my head that’s why I bought you this. I was just trying to do something nice and look what it fucking got me. I have to get the fuck out of here. I’ll talk to you later.” With that he jumped on his little bicycle and faded into the boardwalk.

I do have to admit that this experience did have a surprising revelation.

I went to Carlos and apologized for the incident. Stated that is why he is my EX boyfriend. He was very sweet to me. I must also say for being all of twenty I do love the fact that he called me young lady. Heh.

Eton was the revelation. As I walked through the lobby to the elevators he said “I’m sorry Indie I was trying to figure out what was going on when you walked out. Is everything ok with your boyfriend?”

“He’s my ex-boyfriend now Eton and what just happened is a big reason why.”

“I have to tell you Indie that I thought I noticed something different about you over the last year and you saying that made me realize why. I haven’t seen you this way since he stopped coming around. You’re back to more of who you are.” Ahhh Eton….a man of sincerity and happiness everyday. He’s the kind of person people strive to be. Wisdom beyond his years.

I was teary eyed for the rest of the day and again now just writing what he said to me. I had changed without even knowing it.

He made me proud.

There isn’t a rose in this world that smells as sweet as he made me feel.

Why?

This is America right? So we can do anything...say anything... I do love that about this country but are there no limits?

I’m so disturbed after watching Primetime live. Yet again, a train wreck that I couldn’t turn off. I’m going back to my stupid, half ass bullshit TV watching after tonight.

The first picture is from the show I watched…what a happy family. Notice the two wives?

“Tonight on Primetime Live “The Outsiders” Don't take a great movie title and make it creepy. Tonight was a story of a polygamous, who by the way, found both of his wives while teaching math. I’m sorry did I mention he is a high school math teacher. I did say high school didn't I?

I thought I had a shithead for a father but I have to say this guy might top him. Primy live is currenly looking for a new wife and his other wives support that because they need help with the children. The whole town stands behind this man. The interviews they did of the current high school students in that town were amazing to me..so amazing it made me sick.

The second picture I found when I went to Primetime’s website. The wife has lock-down syndrome. This is a disease that you can’t move or speak but can see, hear and feel everything. They usually move their eyelids to communicate. The disease is sudden and usually incurable.

I’m sorry, I don’t mean to speak ill of people that can’t express themselves but did she blink at one point that she may not want to be pregnant? Didn't he see 50 first dates?

Both these stories boiled down to God. The will of God or God giving.

Wow.

A basic pedophile that the town reveres as a role model? One fifteen year old that was interviewed said she wants to marry a man of the cloth and if he wants other wives that’s ok...by the way, she wants twelve children….she’s fucking fifteen. There were also sixteen year old boys saying that they might have one wife or maybe more, if they want....at least that was semi-normal.

A woman can be classified as basically comatose by her doctors. I believe her condition is real but her husband believes by a blink of her eyes she would want to have sex and have a baby in her state. The sex I do understand. Hell...I'd blink till my eyelashes feel out. A baby? Not so much.

Now am I just being silly or is this world really that fucked up.

I think I’m just being silly.

$736.26

I've been carrying a check for this amount from the State for over a month. It was sent to me after I had gone back to work so I assumed it must have been a mistake.

I knew when I opened it that it was a little different that the disability checks I had received before but I just shoved it back in the envelope and thought "Oh how I wish…I'll have to call and find out what the mistake was and send it back.”

I put it with all my bills. It's been swimming around there for a few weeks. I kept pushing it to the bottom of the pile. I felt just a little richer knowing that I had it and not really wanting to know that I might have to send it back. I came across the check again today and finally read the check stub. Well color me happy and a procrastinator.

It seems the state made a mistake and didn't pay me for 11 days in December. I drove straight to the bank after work and deposited it in my savings account (scary for me). I now have more in my savings than I think I have had in a helluvalongtime. It's not just that check but it added to what I had.

Today I paid all my bills in full and I opened a second savings account before I even found out that check was mine.

I think my mind is starting to settle. I think I’m starting to realize what’s important. It’s coming a little slower than I had hoped but it’s here.

I have always lived like there is no tomorrow without even knowing it.

It just took $736.26 to make me think that I just might be here tomorrow.

I've been trying not to talk about him anymore but...

I have to give him credit this time. DD is back in sober living and it’s been almost a month. He called me and asked me for stories that he could use to speak in his meetings. “Shit…what category Vance. I have a whole filling system in my head of these stories. Beer, coke…just being an asshole? Hangovers, drugovers? What kind of story you lookin for? I got um all. However, I don’t have any that you can tell your grandparents on Christmas Eve. Our relationship seems to be lacking in those.”

He told me another reason he called was because he was frustrated and needed to talk to someone that understood him the best. That would be me. The second I picked up the phone I knew exactly what he was feeling just by the tone of his voice…and I was right.

It makes me sad that I had to let go of someone that I did know that well. I knew every movement, every expression on his face. I could finish his sentences when he couldn’t find the words and he did was the same with me.

I think it’s sad sometimes that things just didn’t work out the way we thought or dreamt they would. As I’ve said before I will always love him in a weird way and he has said the same to me.

But…

I can honestly say there isn’t a day that goes by that I don't thank my lucky stars that he doesn't live here anymore.

Thank my lucky stars? Who said that? No I'm not from Texas...not at all.

How much money do I spend on rent?

As I stepped out of the shower last night I stepped in water. Hmmmm…didn’t I just get out of water? What the???? Fffuuuccckkkk.

My bathroom, once again had transformed into a wading pool. When ever the sewer gets plugged up I am the house that suffers the consequences. My landlord (I’ll call him V) blames it on me and my next door neighbors putting things down the toilet that don’t belong there. Yeah V I flush dishes so I don’t have to wash them. It’s the fucking plumbing you fucker!

Now usually I never confront V. Have you ever tried to find a place to live in LA with two dogs? Not fun and almost impossible. So I can usually control myself. Not last night. The Tsunami was so fierce it traveled all the way to my closet and ruined two pairs of my shoes, one of which my mother gave me. He just had to bring my mom into it didn’t he.

I called him “Yeeeaaahhh V…we have a situation. My bathroom is flooded again and I’m getting really fucking sick of this. His reply “Well so am I.” “But V” I replied “You’re not paying me a $1,000 a month.” He was basically silent as I tore into a rampage. He tried once to interrupt me saying that he couldn’t blame the next door neighbors because we share the same plumbing. That was a stupid thing to say because obviously I had the perfect explanation. “Do you honestly think that I would flush anything down this fucking toilet that would turn my bathroom into a fucking swimming pool? I’m no fucking Einstein V but I’m not fucking stupid.”

Now that I think back on it, if someone was watching me it would have been quite comical. Me standing in my bathroom screaming at V while letting the sewage seep into my froggie house slippers. Fuck…that’s three pairs of shoes…and my mom gave me those too. That fucker.

Heh…he was just here. I asked “Do you think that there is a small possibility that a pipe is broken?” “No. I’ve never had this problem before you and the Twilight Zone next door came here.” I did have to laugh at that one…good joke V. Then he went into how the plumbing works and blah…blah…blah. I felt like flipping him off and walking away but restrained that impulse.

On a lighter note I did catch baby mouse number three tonight. I won’t go into the gruesome details but honestly, how many rodents do I have to find in a toilet in one life time. I’m going on two…you?

The mouse survived and was set free. I however will probably have nightmares tonight.

“Each of us needs a source of inspiration in our life, a cause for hope.”

This quote is in the book I’m currently reading. I use to just read books…beginning, middle and end. Done. Something has changed.

I think that writers, even if fictional, have things hidden behind a lot of what they write…or do they?

Maybe it’s that the above phrase means something to me. Since I feel I am lacking in two of the major components in that sentence I think that quote will become my inspiration and hope.

And no…that doesn’t mean I’m going to start going to church Minn as much as your doctor would like me too.

I must admit I do miss it…

My Canon served me well, until one day it just stopped. I was going to have it repaired but since the world was so tech I decided to spend the money to go digital. I never had the heart to let my Canon go…hence the dust.

Funny I’m taking a pic of a dead camera with a failing camera.

Ahhh…the Sony Cyber-shot.

Me and Minn both have the same cameras. Without my knowledge I bought basically the same camera she had just a newer model. After a little over a year her flash stopped working.

It seems I’m experiencing the same, just a year later but a different problem. I came to the realization that I have a self timer on my camera. Yeah…duhhh India. Hell as long as it takes pictures and I can figure out for the most part how it works I’m pretty happy. I have learned that I don’t use new tech devices to their fullest. At least I’m getting better I looked up my cell phone today on line and learned a lot more about it. Lesson learned.

Back to the story. I figured out today how to use the self timer. Cool I thought, just a couple of button presses and presto. It worked once…this afternoon. I got all excited about it tonight and tried it again and again, again and again. It didn’t work.

Obviously, I thought I was the problem. I went online and chatted with a tech from Sony. I got the same news Minn did. In the end he typed “It seems there is a malfunction in your camera. Do you want me to give you the number of a service center in your area that can repair your camera?” I felt like typing him back “What’s the fucking point? We both know I might as well buy a new fucking camera…not a Sony by the way and don’t you mean malyourfuckedtioned?”

I mean come on, the same model and brand of camera and shit starts breaking just after the warranty wears out? Seems a little fishy to me.

I must admit that I love all the modern technology out there today but since I don’t know dick about it I guess I’m fucked….heh.

I’m going to start learning though…if I can change the master cylinder in a clutch I can learn this shit.

I drove by the laundry mat today…

I thought that might be empty due to the game. Nope…packed. I guess I thought it would be kind of like Disneyland. I've always heard that place was a ghost town on Super bowl Sunday.

I stopped watching the Super bowl because the team that I always wanted to win always lost.

Yeah I watched it today.

I don't like football anymore.

This is not the face of a killer

Is it?

It seems that Brownie was a mother and I guess the little babies are starting to come out to look for her. The first one that peeked it’s head out today I actually caught and set it free. Then the second one appeared. I caught him as well but he got away…not for very long. Sash got it when I went to the store. When I say baby I mean these are tiny little things.

I guess me thinking that Sash missed her playmate was wishful girly thinking. It just makes me sad. It killed me to let the first one outside on its own knowing that it probably won’t make it. Then Sash killed the second one. I guess it’s not safe either place but at least the first one has a shot.

I don’t like this food chain thing….cycle of life or whatever it’s fucking called. Their just little babies and so was Brownie. As much as I made jokes about it I don’t like for any animal to die.

What a bizarre day…

I had a feeling today that haunts me every so often…an uneasy fluttering in my tummy with a hint of impending doom. I understood this feeling when I was driving home tonight. Full moon…ahh now I understand. I always realize this feeling when I actually see the full moon, you would think I would know by now.

The day was relatively normal…boring. When lunch rolled around I didn’t really feel like driving home but I wanted to get out of the office so I decided to go and sit in my car and read. I stretched out in the back seat but just couldn’t keep my eyes open. I was caught in the middle of consciousness and sleep...stuck in a semi-dream that entailed three cutesy popular love comedies with me as the main character…weird. I have to stop watching that crap.

When I went back into the office it was like a morgue, there was nothing going on. There were two people reading books so I decided to be the third. The minutes still dripped by.

As I was driving home I almost got run off the road by a fucking mini-van (oh how I still hate those cars) then got trapped behind two people that I can only assume were drunk one of which I was behind when I saw the full moon. I always see it on the same street…Forest Lawn Drive. It’s named that after the cemetery that takes up most of the street. It’s always like a creepy horror flick on these nights...hence the pic, not mine by the way stolen from the internet.

To top off this evening the dogs are chasing what I can only assume is the ghost of Brownie. At least I’ve confirmed that the mouse sensors don’t work on the living or the dead.

R.I.P.

Brownie 2006 – 2007

As I got out of bed this morning I looked down and saw a dark object on the floor. Since I was running late (I know…I know) I just stepped over it and started getting ready for work. When I walked back in the bedroom searching for my keys I looked down at it and thought what the hell IS that?...what is that red stuff and what…HOLY SHIT!

I knew it would happen eventually. Either Brownie would get a little too comfortable here or Sasha would get just a little quicker at the perfect time. I think it was a combination of both.

As I was cleaning up the remains I looked at Sash…she had her head bowed and her ears back almost like she felt bad. I’m only guessing…I’m no dog whisperer…er.

The funny thing is, I thought all along that Sasha was a predator dog. She almost killed my last cat. What I realized today when I got home, she was looking for the mouse expecting it to run it’s normal route. It use to go through the room I’m currently sitting in, off to the bathroom and back again to the kitchen. Sasha has traced this path several times tonight…she is searching for her playmate.

It made me think…when I saw it this morning, the reason I didn’t know what it was is because it was wet. If it would have been a dead fur ball on the floor I sure as shit would have know what it was. Maybe she thought she just knocked it silly (ahhh…my grandmother’s saying) and was licking it to try and wake it up.

A pit bull with a heart…that likes pictures of dead presidents. Hmmm...who would have thunk it.

Speaking of the dead…I almost took a picture of the deceased but the blood bath was a little too gruesome even for me.